viva~! we have a new printer! it's going to get a lot easier with projects now. T_T

to whom it may concern: i may not be as girly as a girl should be, and i may be confused with my sexuality at times, but take this note: i'm not a tomboy.

screw you. haha. for screwing poor li'l me.



hehe. ayos ba? XP

my mom called and said that my grandfather is in a very weak state. she's going to our province probably this week. i don't know, i seem to feel very awkward. though i don't know my grandfather too well, it's kind of scary to think that he's almost going to depart into a space not of our own, you know.

this may sound mean but i'd prefer him dead. see, i'm mean. but i say that out of concern. you see, he's already old (obviously, but still i note just in case you still haven't figured that out yet) and he already knows much about this world, and this world has nothing in store for him anymore. besides, he's blind now, and his only guide to the world are his hands and feet and ears.

i ache inside every time i see him. he isn't in a home that would shelter him enough from the forces (because my mom, for some unreasonable...reason, had it reconstructed and was planning to sell it while people, including lolo, was still staying there), and he was accompanied by people, caring but still, nevertheless, cold.

and i remember how i don't mind him calling me "jennelyn". no matter how many times me and others would try to correct it with "julienne", he would still call me that.

he deserves a lot better than this life. i pray that he will be guided to the right place, just in case he has to go. death is a part of life, it's not the opposite. it's the implacable fate that we all must accept for we all must go through it, too.

the only thing i regret is how i cannot hug and say, "i love you, lolo" to my grandfather in his time of pain. i hope my prayers shall deliver them for me.

*sorry, i am not a poet... but i am still thinking about lolo. so yeah, when you read the poem again, you'll figure out it's for him. ^^

and yeah, "midnight solitaire" is the pseudonym anjeannete(?) abayari used in her film halik ng vampira. XP

way to go, gloria. and by "gloria" i mean the president and her administration. a life is at stake and still you continue to suck up america's white hairy ass.

u.n. itself forbade the invasion of iraq by america, but still, there it was. and what's worse? the government of the philippines chose to assist bush and his evul plots.

here we are, the already economically poor republic of the philippines, who doesn't have any conflict with iraq at all. then suddenly, this virus chose to send troops to iraq as payback to letting her suck the cock of the bald eagle the last time he visited. we didn't have to get involved, but thanks to this virus, we are now in great danger to have ourselves terrorized.

and look. after at least a year, a countryman, innocent even, is about to get beheaded unless the extremists' demands are met. still, the virus and those of her kind stubbornly resist to remove the troops from iraq, who, if you think about it, shouldn't have gone there in the first place.

and there are only a few hours left. what would happen to angelo dela cruz? would he shed blood because of juan dela cruz's mistakes?



i have a very bad cold. too bad in fact that i think i have pharyngitis again so i can't speak and swallow properly. wah. i think i got it after having a short fever that started last thursday night.

last friday, i was supposed to join my class for our class picture. but because i had a fever, i was unable to get my *cough cough* face included. dang. and also on that day, at dismissal time, the staffers of the high school newspaper, insights, were supposed to have a meeting, and failure to attend would result to immediate dismissal.

wow. what perfect timing for me to get a fever, ne? well, i missed out on the class pic, but i was able to go to school on 12:45, because i felt better and i didn't want to miss math and filipino because i had important tests then... plus the insights meeting. sure i was excused, but it would be a burden if i had to explain and the editors would lecture me blah blah blah, wouldn't it?

when i got in the insights meeting, i was surprised at the number of staffers i was going to be working with. i found out later that we were 77 in total! wow... that's enough to make a movie. ahaha.

i also had a dilemma. you see, when insights was screening for staffers, i screened for both features and science departments. it turned out that i qualified for both, but i had to choose only one. the science editor, danny d.c., approached me and told me that, so she asked which department i would join in.

i chose science because first off, danny was the first one to tell me that i got in insights (redundant, huh?). haha... i can remember that day, it was probably two or three days after the screening and i went out of the classroom and there she was.
"umm, are you julienne?"
"uh, yeah..."
"hi, i'm danny, i'm your science editor and i would like to congratulate you because you got in."
*shakes hands*
"really? thanks."
"i liked how you wrote your article. it was a simple topic but you used wit... if you chose the other topics which were the more recent science news, that would've be a big bonus..."
"hehe... yeah, i guess."

second, she was the one who approached me in the
meeting (she likes me, huh? hehe)...
"hey, julienne."
"hi, danny..."
"you see, you have a dilemma. you screened for both science and features, right?"
"yup."
"well, you could only choose one department. but i strongly suggest that you choose science because first, it's my department *winks* and..."

and the third, the number of staffers in the features department, according to danny, was "already overwhelming". so yeah.

hmm... good luck to me. and good luck to angelo dela cruz. peace.

dammit. i can only see 1/4 of the page. internet explorer is minimized and i don't know how to maximize it. why not use the mouse, dumbass? well, it isn't working... T_T

anyway, i had drive c reformatted because there was no other way. it was crashing a lot worse than five porsches crashing into each other. haha. just kidding.

i don't know what to feel. i'm glad that it's working, except for my not so handy-dandy mouse. i guess i'm just not really susceptible to change. ugh. everything is gray... and blue... and slooooooooow. it took me forever to connect and i don't know why.

it's so weird. in the startup it says the os is windows xp, but when it's open, it's windows 98. haha...

my old files are still in my drive d, but i'm thinking of cleaning it all up. oh well. in drive c, i have adobe acrobat and adobe pagemaker... hmm... i can open pdf files now and make my own magazine. joy. good thing photoshop is restored in drive d. alleluia. i can't obvoiuslly work on it now because my mouse is dead. we also have correl... r.a.v.e, draw, etc... but it won't open for some reason. haha. frontpage is gone. i have to retrieve it again from drive d.

look on the bright side. at least it's working. joy joy happy happy. even if it's slow. and the mouse is fucked. and many programs are missing. and everything is plain...

i'm gonna buy a mouse tomorrow. perhaps everything will be better.

thank you for understanding. um, did you?

i've been thinking a great deal about it... and this is the only time this week that i'll probably be free so i guess i'm going to have to post this now.

i'm going to move sooner or later and people, be sure to check your emails or something because i'm going to send the new address to the only people i want to go to my site. i'm so tired of public blogging. people pop here. pop there. they're everywhere. i thought privacy wasn't such a big deal to me but now, i'm not so sure. or maybe i'm turning into an elitist.

you're sure to be in my new list of friends if:
a. you're a real good friend of mine from school.
b. you're death, who has been my childhood friend for almost eleven years and very much deserves his own category.
c. you were a blog friend of mine even before i went to tabulas.
d. you're in my links page, i'll give you my [then] old and empty tabulas account password so that you can check out my latest entries.
e. i am an avid reader of your blog.
f. i got to know you in yahoo messenger.

what's that letter popping out of your head? oh... Y. right... why? why must i do all this? well, here are some reasons:
a. because i can finally rant and rave as much as i want to about people from hell and without being paranoid of external forces barging into really intimate issues.
b. i'm sick and tired of being a layout. i'm an entry. an entry!
c. because i don't and won't do layouts anymore. welcome to a blog. note. a blog. not a layout request site.
d. i don't want to be oppressed from being totally open about expression. sometimes i write this really huge entry then i suddenly stop because i consider some people whom may find the entry offending or something.
e. from all the photo manipulation i was doing, i don't want the same kharma to go back to my pics... haha.

i hope you guys understand. it's been nice knowing you all. you won't be too affected. you won't find me. and even if you do, you won't be able to see anything for it's going to be friends only.

au revoir.