i was drawing doodles again and i made this character named alice wonderland. she's looks like a dark rugrat and can very much pass as the gothic alice in wonderland. haha. i even made a little character sketch... she says, "when i was born, my lips were sewn, and they were formed into a smile.... i will die with my smile as i was born with it."

it's kind of like me, in a sense. i sometimes look okay (like in alice's case, she's always smiling even in times of misery), but in truth i am feeling terrible. anyway, she has braids... so i tried them out.



hehe... i look like a whacko in braids. and i look like a 12 year old lolita. nyahaha... all i need now is a french maid uniform. XP

btw, i made a community for camwhores... hehe please join!

here she is, alice wonderland. sorry if it's ugly now, it's just a rough sketch. hehe... and i also took this only with my phone's camera, and did not scan it. sorry for the low quality. haha!



btw, this is a second call for all the camwhores out there! join my community!

sorry, i don't have anything else to post.

(camwhores. join. now.)

life is funny. you see beauty in it only when it is beautiful, otherwise, it's a total drag. you feel as if it's doing nothing but wind up the key in your back and play with you until you get exhausted just to be wound up again.

i have been ashamed of my posts lately. they have been nothing but a series of spontaneous outbursts that rooted from the need to post simply for the sake of it. then again, it's nothing i can complain about because there really has been nothing to post about. not even anything trivial for me to make such a big deal with.

my life lately has been bland. it is in deep need of something, so that it will become evident in my entries, which are currently in need of substance... sigh.

i have been listening to the same music over and over again that it's horrid how i might not be able to appreciate them anymore. i see entries here, entries there, written by dear friends, but only a few stand out and are comment-worthy. obviously they are as less-motivated than i am since friends.html has lately been nothing but a collection of quiz results and one-paragrapher-s.

as usual, political news has been overrun by some gossip about this expornstar vs this questionable surgeon, but it's really nothing but a mindless issue that people just get curious about. ffkksssh. nothing else is on tv, and thanks to a new entertainment channel, you see tv as nothing but a medium used by disillusioned chaps who make tons of money for brainwashing us all.

the phone is ringless. if you do get the occassional ring (both monophonic and polyphonic), all you get are some advertisments by globe or smart or whatever. nobody's on your instant messaging service either, and if there was someone online, you don't know what to talk about, and your window is full of smilies or audibles and words born by awkwardness.

isn't it grand?

boredom (or make that ennui, motivationlessness, sick and sap... whatever) can make this big, big world oh, so small.

don't you agree?

"i want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby..."

nya-ha. new layout. and to think kt and reine just commented about the previous one. hehe. greetings from my new layout and my aching nape, everyone. i actually made a new layout on the day a dear friend (donna-chan) was born! hoowoopee!

although i must say, since 4pm yesterday i have not slept a wink yet. and i opened the computer at around 6 am, made the layout at 9 am and finished at 12 noon. wow. how time seemingly fleets when you're sleepless.

i'm tired desu. i didn't plan making a layout (although i don't usually plan it anyway). well what can i say. i'm almost delirious because of lack of sleep. i guess i should rest... but then again, how can i appreciate the rain that has just poured outside? ^^

oh well. this is what someone who has been awake for 17 hours straight looks like:


hehe... maybe not. but i was in that state. what great conecealment.

thanks to everyone who has commented on my nu layout... and how i didn't look like i had been sleeping for 17 hours straight. haha. i am refreshed now. i slept for 13 hours straight now! hehe...

i might see my cousin again. yes, the cousin i had been crazy about these past few days. his sister is going back to japan for work, so they're going to hold a farewell party for her.

and i'm one of the cordially invited.

i will try my best to get a snapshot of him... damn! that's the use of a cameraphone, you estufeed jei you. i don't know how i will do that but i will try my best to gyet it! paksyet!

hehe. if i do, you guys may see why i was losing my mind over him. nya-ha.

later.

well, i didn't get my cousin's picture, but i'm glad i took very cute pictures of my nephew, niece and sister during desert time. just look at their pictures and you can say, "ice cream. nyam."



i'm glad to say that the feelings for my cousin that i use to be so frustrated about have slowly vanished. i still feel a little bit excitement whenever we lock gazes (even only in peripheral vision), but it's not as grave as before. besides, i may not be able to see him again for a long time, which is good.

PLEASE JOIN THE NO LIFE COMMUNITY
i and death formulated this up last night. we were talking about how dull life is getting and poof! here is a brand new community... please join THE NO LIFE COMMUNITY. because you know it. life is dull. it's going to get better, but not anytime soon. if you believe that, please join!. besides, there's nothing else better to do, is there?

hehe. join! join! join! join! join! join! join! join! join! join!

thanks in advance!

Life is a Blog

The days in our lives are grouped like entry dates. You don't specifically remember the exact date when something unusual happened, still you value its significance, no matter how great or minor. It serves as the bookmark of time, a chapter of your life.

An event is recorded in an entry's time. Often it is overlooked, but it stands of great importance. It tells when you decided how things should end up to be.

And what could be a greater mnemonic for events than the entry title? You simply see it and thoughts of what it may imply rush to and fro your mind.

Who can ever forget the songs of the moment that carried people far through inspiration and/or consoled them in their desparate hours? For what is life without its music - each melody and rhythm befitting every single mood?

Which brings us, yes, to moods. How a human being can be swayed and swung by them! What other thing other than one's current mood has the power to influence an individual to do whatever action it dictates? What forces them to complain when bored or frustrated, or sound insane when glad or furious?

What would life be, too, without interaction? Humans, though some deny it, need consolation, advice & concern drawn from others. Why else would they display a small part of themselves to other people? Tags and comments are more often than not welcome. Rings and cliques and links fulfill that sense of belonging as well.

Although socialization is important, individuality still stands out. The layout and the design are what people see first. Sometimes, even, it is the only thing others see. It is deeply related to how we process the physical aspects of things. This nourishes us from our hunger for visualization, for we are, indeed, very visual creatures. Layout and design also separate the creative to the not-so creative, the conformist to the nonconformist.

Last but not the very least, life is found in an entry. It turns out in a way you make of it and what you choose it to be. You are in control of every word, phrase, punctuation mark, imagery, figure of speech. Most especially, you are responsible for what you want it to mean to others and to yourself.

How you write an entry shows how well you handle your life. It could be simple. Coherent. Concise. Carefree. Cognitive. It also portrays personality. It could be social. Conforming. Colorful. Chaotic. Casual.

Therefore, my friends, life's a blog. It is chronicled, that's why every little detail counts. It is not what others say it is, but how you see and say it is, just as no one can really define what a blog is or tell what its real purpose is. It all depends on you now to make both life and blog either mundane, neutral or extreme.



classes start tomorrow. nyak... i'm in the pilot class. not surprising, but i'm kind of nervous, even though i'm acquianted to most of them. the two girls of my life are close by though, and that's good. haha. i just wish one boy was close, so i could forget about the whole incest thing.

schools that started today were suspended because of a signal no.1 storm. how i wish we would delay too. i still don't have notebooks and i haven't covered my books. nyaha.

today was my first day in the high average class (because my adviser refuses it to be called 'pilot' or 'honors' class for some reasons) and in the junior year as well. it was quite okay. most of my classmates are long time acquaintances of mine and they're really friendly and approachable, although sometimes i don't understand their jokes and hirits.

our adviser, mr. c., is someone i noticed right away a few years back because of how he reminds me of squidward! he looks and even sounds like squidward of spongebob squarepants! but he's okay i guess. a bit of a talker too.

one of the things he discussed with us, other than the usual orientation shit, was how he is proud to be 44 years old. he said he's younger than us, basing on the quote, "life begins at 40", which makes him only four years old.

i don't know how but he suddenly talked about where his name came from. yes, both how his parents chose his name and its etymology... then he even mentioned how he writes his signature!

well, it's either we were too accustomed to high school life but everything seemed normal. mediocre even. people still hung out with the same people, people still hung out in the same corner they used to hang out in. and even if i am away from my friends, they are really quite close by.

so there's nothing here to post about... a drag, isn't it?

my feet! my poor, poor feet.

jesus christ. what hypnotized me into getting my now sore feet into those shoes anyway? damn those two-inch-heeled leather torture devices (i think it's called loafers)! how evil they are! extremely evil!

at first i thought that the swelling in my toes and the growing calluses at the edge of them were just normal reactions to new, higher heels. then my shins started to ache a little bit after a few days... it even got worse when victor the great accidentally kicked my right shin. i can't explain how that happened... i could say that we just had a sudden episode of astromental empathy. ha-ha.

after i bought some more school stuff in national bookstore, i suddenly felt a piercing pain in my right achilles' tendon. i was thinking, what the fuck happened now? and i finally got that thing my friend klaire usually gets every year... the ritual where your new shoes baptise your achilles' tendon by peeling off almost the whole epidermis. eck...

and guess what, i will have to walk everyday in this, start by walking across almost one whole building in school and end by walking one block home. nice.

wah.. i am in pain... i also have this migraine which is probably caused by my clogged sinus and the fact that i haven't slept yet since 3 am today. i was feeling really drowsy come lunch, and when i was about to give up my conciousness, my research teacher, who is with us the second subject after lunch, declared clearly one rule stating that those who will sleep in her class will be punished. and what great timing did she say that!

i am not free from physical pain, and that's also true for mental and emotional. the high average class isn't so bad, in fact their very friendly and act, well, average, but there's no one there whom i can really associate myself with. you know, i think i'll have a hard time when it's time to choose partners or groupmates for a certain activity. talk about active social life.

i am also programming my mind not to succumb to inferiority complex, but sometimes when the class discusses i feel so... ugh. i doubt i'll reach their level, though i don't intend to, it's just that people would expect highly of me. yes, even the teachers (they said so themselves). and to think the third year is the most difficult level of them all. hurray for me!

and why the fuck isn't that boy coming to school to release me from the cells of forbidden love with my cousin? why-oh-why?

and just when i thought i was going to be a lesbian again this year, numerous cuties are popping out. here. there. over. under. fuck them all.

oh. woe is me. isn't it grand?



science activity
mechanics: say your first name and choose an adjective that describes you. the adjective must start with the same letter your name starts with.

"i'm julienne. i'm juicy."

*crowd laughs*

/end science activity

people wanted to taste me after that. haha.

silas is a character from the suspense novel, the da vinci code. he is an albino Opus Dei devout, and is ready to do something as heinous as assassination for his faith both in God and in the Opus Dei. you can't blame him because he underwent such a tragic phase and just when he thought there was no way to get out of the abyss of pain he was in, the head of Opus Dei reached out his arms to rescue him. moreso, he renewed silas' faith.

no. i am not albino and i do not assassinate secret society members as commanded by a bishop. although i can relate a bit to silas now with my two inch heeled shoes that i was ranting about in my previous post.

you see, he wears this cilice belt around his thigh which i picture is like one of those leather cuffs with pointed spikes on them which he wore inside out, meaning the spikes touch the thigh. but it wasn't there because it was punishment or he was ordered to. he wore it, would you believe, for his devotion.

i kinda feel that way... with my shoes. haha. so is that it? is that why i am sharing information about silas because i was empathic (barely) with him concerning the wearing of torture devices? well, sort of, but i also want to explain why i don't mind wearing them.

yes. i don't mind wearing them and i don't think anyone in their sane mind will. i am insane, i know. and i have an equally insane reason why so. you see, i believe, based from experience, that it is not impossible to make the body adapt to pain, no matter how grave it is. every muscle in the body needs to experience stress for it to be stronger (yes, even the heart), and although the process of adaptation is gradual, it is still effective.

like my thing for... *cough cough* love. and life, a little bit. i was exposed to so much pain in such a young age, like discrimination, family problems, etc., that at this point in my life, i don't mind problems as much as i'm supposed to. that's why some people label me n.r. (no-reaction) or stoic at times because more often than not i'm ms. pokerface, until of course you earn my friendship.

simply put, i don't mind the loafers because i want to somehow master my pain. it's kinda lame, i know, but somehow i really do. i have been through worse shit than having my legs in such uncomfortable state. one day, i'll get used to this pain, and i will feel accomplished that i have towered over such a minor problem, really, and at the same time i can tower over some other people as well (i mean, they do make me taller by two inches). also, there will come a time when i need to wear shoes like that, so it's better to train myself using it now.

besides, there are benefits, too. they are really nice shoes, in fairness. the cut was girly, but the decorative buckle makes it not too cute. plus, i've read in readers digest that wearing high heels regularly helps prevent osteoporosis... haha. i am not really going to have osteoporosis anytime soon but prevention is always better than cure. plus, leg and feet power will be an advantage for rock climbing, which i choose to take again for the third consecutive year just because i don't want to wear those fucking csa rubber shoes!!! haha!

too bad i sound very much insane to other minds now. oh well. i tried to explain.

hmmm... i made a very... what's the adjective... bold quiz which i'm sure everyone in his/her sacred perversion will like. hehe.



please take and rate/comment! ^_^

i have uninstalled my yahoo messenger. even i am dismayed by it. but it has to go.

it was nothing but pure inconvenience from the start. never was there a day that i opened it that it didn't have or cause an error. ugh. i was patient enough not to be too bothered by it, but today made a different case.

everytime ym loads or at least whenever i get an incoming instant message, my mouse will suddenly have a mind of its own and click and right click things all by itself. it's freakishly disturbing, and i noticed that it all happened everytime ym did an action.

i am saddened by the fact that i will not be able to talk with my friends anymore in real time using the computer anymore, but there's the phone, the cellphone and my site, so it wouldn't be such a loss. besides, i better do preventive measures now than having my poor and already tarnished pc pay for a much bigger price later on.

hopefully, after uninstalling ym, i would be free of any major pc glitch in the future. now that would truly be independence.

other than feeling nerve-wracked everytime a pc poltergeist would suddenly attack my computer, i am having a migraine. this migraine is familiar to me but still it pains me so. menthol and mefemanic acid have been my best friends lately, i just hope i won't end up being dependent to them. ugh. it still hurts. wah!

so, oh how so, can i truly feel our nation's independence day? my country is experiencing deterioration just as much as my pc is doing so. tch. and pardon me for my unlively welcome for independence for i am being dependent to medicines lately, blame a clogging synapse in my brain.

plus, this year's independence day is on a weekend. no cut schedules in school. how can i appreciate it? other than the mere fact that we were still being invaded by the americans and the japanese after june 12, 1988, you can't blame me. i wouldn't want to be a hypocrite by waving flags and greeting my country happy independence when it is still silently mourning for it, economically and nationally speaking.

though i must say, the wow philippines campaign was really amusing. i saw an ad of the taal volacano in cnn. it said, "see a lake. in a volcano. in a lake." hehe!

btw, thanks to those who took my test! in the first few hours 245 (and 2 out of them rated it 5) took the what's your porn genre test. hehe... proves our world is so full of perverts! nya-ha!

please, take it if you still haven't! here's the link again: click.

people inside their cars, buses or trucks crossing the main road in front of the school this particular afternoon would see a school girl, balancing herself on the borders of the sidewalk as if it were a balance beam. "that girl is quite eccentric," they might think, with that girl looking too mature to be doing that.

that girl never loved conforming and conformity. she knew she has the ability to stand out from the crowd, probably the main reason would be because she can never totally relate herself to anybody and how people treat her differently. people at first would doubt befriending her, but her current friends (yes, despite her strangeness she has quite a number of them) usually enjoy time with her. quiet in speech but loud in ideas, reserved and aloof and tough in facade and fortress, but still deep within can be rather thoughtful and open to anyone and anything.

that girl hates stereotypes, especially those who deny they are stereotypical when they obviously are. majority of the people surrounding her enclose their minds inside a box, afraid and too cautious to think of the boundaries that lay beyond that box. beyond that box the sky is purple-orange and red-blue, black is the contradiction of pink instead of white, and every object, living or nonliving, has two contrasting personalities to maintain balance. she's schizophrenic, that girl, because despite it being called 'disorder', it's actually order being the yin one time and the yang at another moment for it makes you embrace both worlds.

not everyone has her vision, but she is certainly not bordering it for herself alone. in fact, she wishes everyone to perceive her world, because she is tired trying to understand people who don't necessarily get her without her explaining.

at the end of the border, she trips and falls palms down, twisting her ankles at least two inches high (the height of her shoes). there was pain, and she felt that pain with utter discomfort, but she still had to go home. limping, she thought of all these thoughts. all these ideas. she thought that attention surfaces embarassment, and though she acts refined and okay, she doesn't really care what other people think.

but that lightning-strike pain, it woke her up. it opened a sense within her that she has been denying all along. the sense of conformity. she cursed when she tripped and twisted her ankle. she blushed when she saw eyes of parents and students and drivers on her. she wore her uniform properly, owned a jansport bag, chuck taylor shoes and wore jeans and shirts most of the time. wasn't that conformity?

she hates to belong in a world that is stained with oppression, unequality, closemindedness. yet, she has no choice but to live in that world, and despite all the aching moments, she lives in a warmest, kindest and fullest of homes.

while the pain dissipated slowly as she continued to balance herself on sidewalk borders despite the fall, she realized that she can act very strange and differently yet belong at the same time. conformity is just a word. and so is nonconformity. words are defined, but their meanings and nature need not be bordered or determined.

i wonder who that girl could be. don't you?

fae tagged me, "miss ko na entries mo."

dearie, so do i. believe me, so do i.

i have just been to busy in school. it's only been at least three weeks but there wasn't a day that i wasn't free from schoolwork. i was able to use the computer for school purposes! gladly, it's working fine now, but i'm still paranoid so i won't do unneccessary activities now with my pc. wah...!

cle. well, nothing's up much with that, the only thing that strikes me is that my cle teacher and advisor (note there's no my before advisor, meaning he's only one person) has such big similarities with squidward tentacles. social is okay, we're going to take ancient egyptian civilization soon and i think my teacher will help with her mirriam defensor-santiago accent.

computer. i'm so enjoying computer now with visual basic, well, compared to pascal anyway. and mr. panis (note, pilipinos, it's pronounced pah-nis, not pan-is) is making it so enjoyable. he reminds me of comedian long mejia and he's as funny as him too. filipino. i'm going to go insane with ms. rabina with her egyptian eyeliner and punching sense of humor. jose rizal and noli me tangere seem like an interesting topic for me so i guess it's okay.

p.e. well, i'm not doing anything in p.e., even if i'm supposed to, because i just don't feel like it. besides, i'm going to take special p.e., rock climbing, in july. h.e. i don't understand my teacher. she doesn't like calling me. how do i know? because she hasn't called me. in all our three meetings, she hasn't called me for recitation even once. she does broaden my concern for political matters because economics is our main subject and that relates with politics so that's a plus for her. research is a new subject which will help us in future thesis making and defending, but our teacher is kinda... well, i don't like her too much.

chemistry hasn't been so hard because we've only been doing reviews lately. no elements or numbers yet, except for the scientific notation and the significant figures. our teacher is always smiling, it's creepy. so far i haven't had much trouble in geometry, even if our passing grade standard increased from 60% to 70% this year. mr. trinidad isn't such a good lecturer (for me), but i'm glad he tells us how to apply what we're learning. and he always does these cool number and card tricks which he says are all made possible by math power. oh well, just as long as i pass, i'm okay with math. hehe.

anyway, yesterday my class got lucky compared to all the other 40 something sections in the high school because we were chosen to be representatives to the mass of the something something in manila cathedral, intramuros. it was kinda fun because we had more time bonding in the bus and in the stopover than hearing that special mass. and i'm so attracted to archbishop gaudencio rosales' voice. haha. blasphemous. here are some pics of me and some classmates:



for a high average class, we are kind of unruly and noisy. hehe. screw stereotypes! you can't believe how strongly my classmates react when teachers tell them we're nerds. lol. well, better be nerds than geeks.

anyway, i and death and possibly victor might watch kulimlim later. it's a filipino "horror" movie but despite that me and death want something new and we just want to check it out. he needs to lift himself out from depression and i need at least a short break from all the schoolwork, so we decided to watch. besides, we're asian horror movie fanatics, so why not watch kulimlim? isn't that asian? we're not expecting it to be as scary as its korean and japanese conterparts, but give flips a chance.

besides, it beats watching volta. we'd be ultimately bored if we would. (we did think about it though...) nyaha.