last friday, i spent my almost lonely birthday with my three school friends, donna, mika and serene. we watched school of rock. it was a very funny movie... ahaha... and i especially dig their 10 year old guitarist, zack. haha! afterwards we stopped over powerbooks, and i bought dan brown's the da vinci code and yeoh siew hoon's around asia in 1 hr - condoms, curries and chillies. i also spotted nabokov's lolita but didn't have that much money so i think i'll buy that next time along with tdvc's sequel, angels and demons. when i arrived, i missed death's visit. she gave me a burned dir en grey album, vulgar which rocks because he rocks. haha.

then yesterday, we went to laguna with my family and cousins for a post-birthday celebration. hehe. i was supposed to go swimming, but i didn't. they all thought the celebrant didn't enjoy because she was not wet and did not want to be wet, but she did. i really love the place because it was peaceful and tranquil and even in the middle of the afternoon, it was windy and cool. in manila, i had to either suffer the heat or suffer deoxygenation being exposed to hours and hours of airconditioning. hehe.

even if i don't enjoy kids' company, yesterday was an exception. my sister was still insufferably undisciplined and francis, my foster brother, was as persistent as usual, but they were too busy either swimming or eating to really get into my nerves. i also saw and spent time with my more behaved nephew and niece, children of my cousins, j (jermainne) and rj (royjon). they are so cute, they look like little japanese dolls. plus they were more obedient and less noisy than most kids. hehe.

rj's mother, my cousin, is whom i spent the most time talking to yesterday. she's been assigned by the dfa in japan for almost two years now, and this was the only time she has come home since then. last april 20, she gave birth to rj's little sister, mikhaela sophia. she and i just shared stories together while the others are either swimming, talking in each other's circles or singing at the karaoke machine.

i kept an eye on one of my cousins. very dangerous and incestuous. he's probably about 19 or 20 years old and he took my breath away the time i saw him. i was most unfortunate in the gene lottery when i realized he was of my own kin. haha. but he was like the jei of the other side of the family. distant, quiet, speaks only when spoken too, probably deep and unbelievably good looking (sorry, that one is not a trait of mine). we haven't said a word to each other the whole day yesterday.

haha... i need school. this is the second time i had a crush on a cousin and the last one happened during summer too. XP you can shoot me now and spit on my face. i can't help it.



hey victor, this is my niece who i said looked like a little hikki! hehe... not so evident here, but she's still cute anyway.

edit:
You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to
preserve the English tongue, it should be.
Congratulations and thank you!


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i have nothing else to write, so i can finally do this.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have loads of books.
06. I once slept in a toilet.
07. I like playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.
09. I watch porn movies.
10. I watch them with my father.
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.
14. I like George Bush.
15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have jacuzzi and a Porsche.
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself.
20. I'm really really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret.
23. I hate snow.
24. I drink only milk.
25. Punk rock rules. (like all rock. thank you)
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food.
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person.
30. I wear glasses.
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses.
32. I have potential.
33. I'm pure Japanese.
34. My legs are two different sizes.
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear a padded bra.
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing.
38. I'm left-handed.
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them.
40. I don't like horror movies.
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway.
42. People hate me usually.
43. I love pop music.
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight.
45. I hate parking fines.
46. I know the National Anthem of my country by impulsive memory.
47. I know more than two languages.
48. I spend too much time on my computer.
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window.
50. I live on a ground floor.
51. I don't like chocolate.
52. I'd like to be more original.
53. I've lied.
54. Cocks are my favorite birds.
55. I want to conquer the world.
56. I wonder what happens when you die.
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter.
58. Eat your dog!
59. I love to exercise.
60. I hate chemistry with a passion.
61. I love to write.
62. I like changes.
63. I hate going to class.
64. I am afraid to die.
65. I hate dish washing.
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly.
67. My nails are nine inches long.
68. My favourite colour is Black.
69. I like to sleep on the floor.
70. I am hopeless at cooking.
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this.
73. I am online a lot, but not on MSN.
74. I hate government.
75. I don't have a pet.
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can.
78. I don't trust newspapers.
79. I like debating.
80. I live in a lagoon.
81. I clean my room once a month
82. I'm scared of American fast food.
83. I am prying open my third eye.
84. I love Mozambique.
85. I don't trust any religion. (trust your own faith. no religion need dictate you)
86. I used to play with barbies because all the other girls were doing it.
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.
88. I like listening to wind chimes.
90. My hair is long and straight.
91. I earn a lot.
92. I don't like spicy food.
93. I keep a diary. (duh)
94. I can't do cartwheels.
95. I am very lazy.
96. I'm sarcastic.
97. I think my hair is annoying.
98. I'm very sensitive.
99. I love being "ab-normal".
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is light blue.

what's detering me from writing a sensible post?

back in elementary, i really enjoyed writing, particularly essays. teachers saw the zest and talent in me that they signed me up for numerous english and filipino essay writing contests in school ever since first grade.

i didn't really get lucky with that so i switched on to art as my other passion. on grade four i was placed in the art for the gifted club in school, which was an honor but i didn't quite get into it seriously.

then fifth grade came. my english teacher, mr. c., was a fan of my work. i remember him always calling me to read my composition aloud in front of my classmates. many other classmates were called too, but i was one of the primary and frequent ones. he entered me into another essay writing contest that year.

and to everyone's surprise, i won! i topped it even. put the icing on the cake. poured the toppings on the pizza. cheezed it good. however you may call it, everyone but i was surprised that i ended up first in that contest, with veteran winner student writers as competition. i wasn't confident that i would win, i was just probably indifferent.

but that opened up doors for me. mrs. m., the adviser of the school organ, the agustinian mirror, approached me when i was in sixth grade and asked me to join the mirror. i didn't know if i could take such responsibility, but she had this keen power of persuasion that couldn't make me refuse neither.

though she was most of the time an wicked obssessive-compulsive woman, she mentored me on how journalism could be and ought to be. she entered me in a journalism contest, along with other staffers of the mirror, with me being assigned to the editorials.

editorials where pretty much like essays, focused on opinion, but was a lot more stricter. it had to be the soul of the newspaper, and you couldn't just throw opinions here and there.

first, we entered the municipal region (meaning the whole of makati) eliminations. six of us were qualified; i was included. we now had to outdo other schools who were also qualified in their respective municipalities in none other than the regional division. three of us from the mirror were left, including me again. now i had to battle the rest of the junior editorial writers of the whole philippines. i hadn't succeeded there but like they say, paraphrased, "it's the journey and not the destination that matters".

but it doesn't end there. there was still grade seven. i was appointed associate editor in the mirror, which was equivalent to vice editor-in-chief. i liked the position. i wasn't too far down but i didn't grasp the rest of the responsibilities that our eic handled.

so many traumas were there, that year, i decided i didn't want that much responsibility in high school.

in high school, i aced a filipino essay writing contest when i was a freshman, but nothing was quite colorful with that. i was having such a hard time with pre-chem, pre-algebra, pre-literature. in second year, i was chosen to represent the class in a filipino story-writing contest (which i was entered by mistake because i was supposed to be in the script-writing contest) and when they announced the title of my story as the winner in the recognition activity, i didn't know how to feel. i was used to essays. i could do short stories rin pala.

there's actually an anecdote on that. the contest was three hours long, and in the second hour, our class simultaneously had our periodical exam in computer. i hated the coincidence of the schedules. i begged my teacher to excuse me and make me take the make up test instead, but he said academics comes first before extra-curricular activities. but when i went up my classroom in the middle of the contest, he permitted me and warned me that if i didn't win, lagot ako.

that was fun. at least the hard work and my teacher's late generosity paid off.

also in that year, i entered this special essay writing contest which wasn't held on english month, but in religion month. i had to write about st. agustine and how he could influence the youth of today. i won that too, beating faith, my ex-editor-in-chief (but i still believe that she only got second because she didn't take it seriously enough, hah, like i would). i got a trophy for that one, which was clearly and embarrassingly announced, but it was broken after recess when my classmates were passing a basketball in the classroom.

so, i ask you, my dear readers, what's detering me from writing a sensible post?

(the whole entry is in tagalog. i'll speak english again next time.^^)

sa environment ko, maraming tunay na ugali ng mga noypi ang makikita. eto ang top 10.

10. tamad
"tawag ka."
"tawag nanaman. hay naku. tawag ng tawag. sabihin mo ngang matulog na lang siya!"

09. sarado ang isipan
"i don't want to see your face here again!"

08. consintedor
"sige na... para tumigil na yan sa kakaiyak!"

07. indianero
"sorry jul hindi ako makapunta diyan!"

06. mapusok
a. "kaw! di ba may asawa ka na? bakit pinapakealaman mo pa si a.? ako naman binata pa" (ubod naman ng tanda... XP)
b. "oo, inaamin ko na hindi ako naging tapat dun kay e., pero sobra namang skandalosa yung nanay niya."

05. inggitero
"masmaganda talaga cellphone ni makku. yun na lang sana binili mo."

04. abusado
"bakit mo ginagastos yung ipon mo, nandyan naman si..."

03. mayabang
"anong akala mo sakin, foor?"

02. kala mo banal
"hay naku, mabuti pa ako, mabait at malapit sa diyos!"

01. di na nakontento
"uy... masaya na siya, may kamera na yung cellphone nya bukas!"
...sumunod na araw...
"masmaganda pa yung cellphone mo pala dati..."

hehe. hindi naman ganun ka sama ang mga pinoy pero nakakabwisit lang talaga. kung hindi matanggal ang top 10 na yan tigilan niyo na ang pangsisi sa mga taong ibinoto (o ibinoto ang sarili...) kasi kailangan makita niyo muna ang saraling dungis at baho bago niyo pakialaman ang iba! XP

i lack stimuli. i cannot connect with the world and the world cannot connect with me. there's no response between me and this so called reality we know. who's to blame - me or the world?

how much i want to blame the world, like the rest of my youth do. but i cannot blame it for being so powerful. who are we to feel like we're the superior beings of this earth? we existed in only a tiny fragment of this earth's timeline... how much can we truly endure and how can we compare to that of the earth?

this is a world were it's "living" creatures run amock, living their lives as planned (or preplanned, who knows). they constantly do so even in this time when we need more energy from the earth that has started to grow oh so weary. it's a climax of time, i believe.

what time is now? what culture is there in a time of sex, drugs and jagged mentality? we seem to embrace them so tightly that we fail to notice how weak we are even in times when we are so powerless and vulnerable.

it's a time where power, beauty, popularity and everything that means "luster" holds the key to everything - to job applications, to "talent" shows, to national elections, to friendship. and who are these people, who have it all, say you don't need to have it all to be it all?

the "present time" we live in, how ironic it is. people are apalled with what's going on that they believe that the End of Time is fastly drawing near, but they do not a thing to atone for the evils they themselves caused. and they do it so passively that they embrace this end so apathetically. we all want change, but nobody's igniting its fire.

there are only few good things left in this world labeled as "miserable". but we must not ponder on it nor waste our time on those few good things for they are best felt when truly strived for. they are best felt when they're fought over and when they're deserved. besides, we have a bigger crack to cover, and that is our lives. no one will lead them for us. not even God, for even though he has all the power in the world, he chooses to grant us a gift called "free will" which for centuries we had learned to abuse and go to waste.

The Matrix was just a metaphor of what we are in. we're all sleeping, our potential and power lying dormant and succumbing to this hectic reality we know of. no one but ourselves can activate the two P's, and the best time to do that is now.

now is the time to appreciate everyone for everything. thank suffering for it makes us long for happiness, or if you're jesus christ, it can banish the sins of mankind. now is the time to see what is beyond what can be seen, and that is beauty and art in everything. how pathetic are those who advertise all that's negative just to fade into the crowd (and call themselves the knowers of truth).

again, beauty and art is in everything. so i go back to my previous question... who's to blame? a lot, probably, but it's not a time for blaming. i've turned my back on the world for she has turned its back on me, but all that can change with just a single turn.

so... i have forgotten, amidst all these words, that i can draw. but there's one type of art i'm good at - doodling.

two nights ago, i was as bored as hell, and i couldn't do anything about it because it was, like, two in the morning. there was nothing but reruns, i was tired of what i kept on hearing on my discman, i had just finish tropical gothic and no one's up for me to pester. so i dug up things, and i came across old notebooks...

i should be doodle queen! my notes look so interesting after months or even years after not seeing them. i doodled so much i myself can't believe it.

the weirdest thing about doodling is that i can be at my best when i'm doing it for "just the sake of doodling". i don't know why. when i want to draw something seriously, it just turns out a frustration.

here are some samples. bad samples since they were only taken by my cellphone's camera:

bondage doodle

this was in the back of one of my notebooks back in first year. woah. i really dig the wires.

sketchbook character doodle

i had a sketchbook which eventually turned out to be a doodlebook. i owned it back when i was seriously planning to make doujinshis. thus, i "doodled", as in drew on top of a drawing until there's no white space left. here are just a few of the character sketches of the doujis i STILL haven't produced.

art project doodle

okay, this isn't really a doodle, but it started out as one. we had to make a portrait sketch back in seventh grade, and it started out as one big mess. i thought i was going to say hello to mr. D for the first time. but it turned out neat and my art teacher even praised it (while angrily comparing it with one of the class bullies. hehe)!

cd cover doodle

i made this because i wanted to add "identity" or "personality" to my cd bag. hah, just kidding. i was bored, and i didn't fill up the cd bag yet that time, so voila.

i guess messy ideas is one of my specialties. hehe.

new day, new layout. hehe. i know, the shiina ringo layout was much cooler, but i wanted to change it anyway.

it kinda reminds me of the jay chou layout... and aussy's tab, wait a minute, i did make her layout... hehe.

our room's airconditioner got busted yesterday and the repairman hasn't paid us a visit so we slept in the guestroom last night. it's oh-joy! because the pc is up there in the guestroom! hehe. i can stay up as late as i could with the pc and it's cold!

well, i made a layout at about 3 am last night and now i'm having a vertigo because i haven't slept since. i got a chance to lie down and rest though because at 5 am my godfather arrived so i turned off the pc since i didn't want to get caught sneaking and surfing in the wee hours of the morning.

during the short break, i listened to dir en grey, again. whenever i hear the final, i always think that i am this rock/metal princess who died from a spider bite and now a pv of the final was released wherein my past pvs and concerts were showcased. featured also were my bandmates and other figures of the local rock/metal scene. kind of like an aaliyah and hide combined scenario, eh?

great. i haven't even started a musical career and now my death was being commemorated by it. sigh... i have a wild imagination sometimes.

near 6, making sure that the coast was clear, i turned the computer on again, and started uploading the necessary stuff. hehe.

so i've toned down on the jrock slash goth-ier side of my webdesigning style, but hey, variety is the spice of life. why do you think i called my blog "goth milk"?

*images of hyde and brandon are edited by me but are originally not mine. copyright their respective owners...

i really don't know how to start this... perhaps i won't. i'll let the pics do the talking.



ah, hideto takarai... the vocalist of the band which got me hooked into jrock music... even japanese music for that matter. i remember back in grade six where faith (shinji07) had brought home a l'arc clicked best 13 album from china and everyone else thought he was a girl... ahaha! i was the only one who spotted that he was testosterone-impacted and from all that spotting i grew a fondness for him. unlike SOME chinese singers who only got into the music scene for their looks, japanese rock bands where ideally visual and auditorial... ah.

january 29th-born aquarius. most aquarius people i know are deep-thinkers, and hyde's no exception. in fact, while most his contemporaries are into vague kill-masticate-lust lyrics, he sings the more deeper lyrics... even when it's translated to english, you won't get it at first (or at second... or at third... maybe they were just beautiful words bundled up together). he is also into the arts, which he should have taken more seriously, if only he wasn't color blind!

musically-wise, though they are generally classified as rock, they do not stick to one subgenre of rock. you can listen to flower, finale, driver's high, trick & promised land (just to name a few) and you would think they were all performed by different bands who's vocals sound the same. did i say that hyde's voice swoons me as much as his looks?

mr. bunnyshag doesn't understand why i like him... well, perhaps because he doesn't have, i hate to admit, a bishounen fangirl's eye which i clearly have. *hides* hehe...



maybe i should change red and blue to east and west. anyway...

hmm... brandon boyd. i cried when i saw myx's special on the incubus concert here in manila. after the concert, everyone who were interviewed all claimed the concert was great, and the frontman was hot (even the boys said so, haha). i was jealous and frustrated because some of these people probably only got into the whole incubus thing after morning view. i swear i still have those two incubus tickets somewhere in my wallet.

anyway, when i bought make yourself back in 1999, drive comforted me in that chaotic year. i was in a bitter age of confusion, and the moment i heard track 08, i was infatuated with the song and the singer.

he is born 17 days (and some years) after hyde-san, specifically on february 15, so it's another aquarian. anyone who's heard or read or seen any interview the band has appeared on would note how articulate and deep (yes, that word again) brandon would answer the questions. he also is into the arts, and rumor passed on to me that he is quite good, he even sketched his own portrait just by looking in the mirror (perhaps that's what influence the video for drive...). he writes essays and poems and even has a book entitled white fluffy clouds (why isn't it available in the philippines?!! T_T).

his band is generally classified as rock but are diversely subgenre-d like laruku. that's probably one thing people like about incubus, they are diverse, with a new hit for every blow, that it's refreshing.

criteria
perhaps i'm being redundant but haven't you seen the similarities yet? not only are they both aquarius, have a thing for deep words, are good in art, frontman of their bands and incredibly sexy and handsome (hehe), but i liked them both on the same year - 1999 (yes, that was the year when i was sixth grade). they also specialize, as said earlier, in different kinds of subgenres of rock, and one big factor that helps is brandon and hyde's versatility in tone and vocals. (viva~!)

anyway, hyde is married to this woman who has a yummy name (oishi megumi). too bad. brandon boyd claims that "the girl he can talk about quantum physics with" is the girl he's gonna marry. hmm... what do i know about quantum physics? it's formulated by albert einstein, tells something about how light travels, theorizes space/time travel, and is the famous e=mc(mc)... but i guess that's still kinda vague. haha!

plus tauruses don't really go well with aquarians, or so the persians claim. i know one, and sometimes her depression and self-pity would be so extreme and unalterable that it can be annoyingly intolerable. XP perhaps that's the secret to their deepness (ah, what's a synonym for deep anyway?).



i look like a wanted person. anyway, there's nothing to say. i'm bored. i'm being more of "milk" than "goth" lately. ah, whatever. and i have the song below in LSS.

you're (or in this case, they're) all i ever wanted...
and more.

remember the rock, water and incest post? i kinda mentioned how i got really attracted to this cousin of mine. and since he's the uncle of my new niece, i had seen him again in my niece's christening.

urgh. i kinda know why i got attracted to him. he's like hyde and brandon combined.

waaah! we ate at the same table! and we were all quiet, me and him and other people. we sat on the same pew. silence. i haven't talked to him yet! and that's frustrating. not even eye contact. when i glance, he doesn't. when he glances, i look away.

i'm kind of angry. i realize... you may not believe this... but i really like the guy.

jerome and jei... hmm... cousins!

and how much i was tempted to capture a shot of him, so you would know why.

i guess i can't express my anger so well without speaking in tagalog:
paksyet talaga! sa lahat ng pwede kong maging pinsan, siya pa!!! potah talaga. siya yung gusto kong kantahan ng stellar, the reason and balisong! nakakaasar talaga. parang nauulira ako pag malapit ako sa kanya. buwisit. tapos sinulat ko pa dito na siya ang lalakeng jei, plus the good looks... kaya hindi siya mahilig sa mga kamushyhan na ito! ponyeta talaga~!

anong gagawin ko po...?

you can shoot me now, but i watch star circle quest. haha. if you watch it, you'll know how much of a rip off of american idol and starstruck it is, but is still quite interesting. and you would also know that yesterday they eliminated one more member so that they would have a magic circle of five sort of thing.

well, neri got out. i'm not really fond of her, but i am sure that she is one of the most talented of them all. she is just weak in one factor - charisma. she doesn't have enough of it therefore the percentage that depends on how many votes she receives for her ranking leaves her on the brink of being booted out. that's something that a fellow finalist, sandara park, has, the charisma, i mean. that's why despite of being the weakest for four straight times in one week, she was able to get into a spot in the top five.

it kind of reminds me of the american idol, jennifer hudson. she is one of the "divas" the three famous critiques considered, yet, she wasn't even able to make it to the top 5. i also believe that she is one very talented singer, but hence, she lacks charisma as well.

neri and jennifer have a lot in common, other than they are very talented individuals. for one thing, you could see their passion of winning, and their confidence too. this confidence that they have is very dangerous, because most people misinterpret it as arrogance. when they are also being criticized by, they have this look which i don't quite understand, but its a little bit resentful and proud. their talent is also too powerful that sometimes it turns out to be over-reacting.

one more ironic similarity is that they lost to less worthy contemporaries, namely sandara park and john stevens (no offense, dear fans), only because the latter are more loved than them.

the only difference is that there is no racism in the philippine show. in fact, it's racial praise, considering that sandara is korean, which could've helped her many votes, since the filipino masses nowadays are viewers of many chinese telenovelas. and although one theory on how hudson lost votes is a big black out in chicago, i don't think that one happened to neri too, despite the brownouts caused by the rain here nowadays. you all know well how much texting the votes is very prominent here in the text capital of the world. cellphones don't lose electricity.

well, no local ryan seacrest suggested to "not let this kind of talent slip" to the masses, but there should have been.



"so sandara, before we reveal who's out, what would you like to say?"
"umm, thanks to everybody except for those who doesn't like me!"

wtf?

*i wrote this last night... i can't connect to the control panel somehow...*

who do people like better?



it is quite apparent in my friendster testimonials that there are differences between jei and juju. those who probably say "quiet" or anything close either don't know me so much or are more accustomed to jei sometimes. if they say otherwise, jei has probably been comfortable with them, and has let out juju.

i don't understand myself sometimes. every decision is a dilemma, and no, i don't like that. sometimes i don't know who to let out. should i set free translucent, philosophical, angry and angsty jei to produce havoc by merely making people not understand and leave confused with her stubborness? or should i set free quixotic, i-see-art-and-beauty-in-everything juju who should not be hidden, especially from other people if julienne doesn't want to look intimidating, but doesn't?

it's kind of hard. i talk to myselves, out loud sometimes. once my foster mom caught me and didn't buy the "practicing for the play" thing and said she knew someone who specializes in schizophrenia but she just can't catch the name. some of the most trivial problems can become a chore because it's either fight for jei or flight for juju.

i want to seek for peace within me, but jei and juju are so contrasting. in good days, they cooperate and i seem balanced, bittersweet, boldly submissive and oxymoronic. but there are days when i feel the world has turned its back, and having either jei or juju can be a chore. i am not fit to be eeyore but i'm not a guidance-counselor optimist either.

i'm not making sense... jei and juju are fighting again inside my head.



i downloaded mp3s by pierrot, penicillin, kozi, laruku, x japan and plastic tree and i'm intending to download more. since its past eight pm, the internet card will grant me already 8 centavos per minute, so i have more hours (although i don't really believe them). it's more like more hours for downloading a fucking page... sigh. i guess i'll post this tomorrow. XP i am a patient child (with patient both regarding to the virtue and the inhabitant of an asylum). each file downloads 3.5k/sec only, and that's the fastest rate tonight. ugh, dial-ups.



i'm getting more frustrated about my cousin. i just think of his face and there's that feeling. yes, that feeling. i'm not even sure because i'm not ever like this before. not with t, who influenced me into the darker side, not with f, who shows too many sign and who is amazingly astrologically compatible with me but shows no sign of development, and not even d, who i've been fond of for four years. i want him to leave me alone. o - please do! i don't want to sing lines like "heaven forbid, i fell in love with a beautiful stranger" or "i found a reason for me to change who i used to be" or even you're an exception to the rule, you're a bona fide rarity, you're all i ever wanted".

shoot. me. now.

new wallpaper, everyone. i don't think i'll post this in the gallery, since photobucket came to my life. haha.

here are the sizes, and below is the preview: 1024x768 | 800x600



on another note, here's a survey diwa commanded me to take. haha!

[x] they call me: MARIE JULIENNE E...
[x] alsO: JEI, JUJU, HOY!
[x] sex: UM... WHY NOT? HEHE... BISEXUAL
[x] my first breath of air: APRIL 30, 1988
[x] age: BITTERSWEET 16
[x] status: BORED
[x] occupation: STUDENT, UNPROFFESIONAL WEBDESIGNER
[x] nationality: PILIPINO
[x] best friend(s): TOO MANY AND TOO BIASED TO MENTION


***REWIND***

[x] most memorable memory: THE DAY I FELL OFF THE CAR
[x] first word uttered: MAMA?
[x] first best friend ever!?: DEATH


***FAST FORWARD***

[x] college planning to go: UNDECIDED
[x] wedding: ARE YOU KIDDING?
[x] children: ARE YOU KIDDING AGAIN?
[x] looking forward to: SCHOOL... THIRD YEAR NA KOW!
[x] NOT looking forward to: SCHOOL... TOO.

***PLAY***

[x] feeling: BORED
[x] Listening: PLASTIC TREE - MIZUIRO GIRLFRIEND
[x] Talking to: NO ONE
[x] Doing: THIS
[x] craving: FOR KFC AND KUYA JEROME HAHA!
[x] thinking of: DONNA AND EK TOMMOROW
[x] hating: KUYA JEROME

***LOVE***

[x] love is: OVERATED AND UNDERATED
[x] first love: NO ONE
[x] current love: HYDE AND BRANDON
[x] best love song: RIVERMAYA'S BALISONG, INCUBUS' STELLAR & HERE IN MY ROOM
[x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than
one person @ the same time: SEE CURRENT LOVE
[x] have you ever been in love?: I DON'T THINK SO XP
[x] is there such thing as love @ first
sight?: HMMM...


***OPPOSITE SEX***

[x] turn ons: EYES (COUGH COUGH), ABS, HAIR
[x] turn offs: ARROGANCE, BLING BLINGS... XP
[x] does your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: WHAT BF/GF?
[x] what kinda hair style?: MODERATELY LONG AND WAVY. NO F4 CUTS BUT NO BALDIES OR SEMIBALDIES EITHER!
[x] the sweetest thing that the opposite
sex can do for you: LOVE ME


***PICKY PICK***

[x] dog or cat: CAT!
[x] short or long hair: WHICHEVER
[x] innie or outie: INNIE LOOKS CUTER
[x] sunshine or rain: RAIN
[x] moon or sun: MOON
[x] basketball or football: NONE
[x] hugs or kisses: HUGS
[x] bf/gf or best friend: YOU CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM
[x] starbucks or jamba juice: NONE
[x] written letters or e-mails: I'D LIKE TO RECEIVE SOME WRITTEN LETTERS
[x] playstation or nintendo: PS
[x] disney or nickelodeon: DISNEY
[x] sing or dance: SING
[x] yahoo messenger or aim: BOTH


***MISCELLANEOUS***

[x] can you swim?: YUP
[x] whats your most embarrassing moment?: I RARELY GET EMBARRASSED
[x] what are u scared of: THE DARK, LIGHTNING, WORMS!
[x] do you like tomatoes?: NOPE
[x] last doctor visit: A YEAR AGO
[x] last phone call: YESTERDAY (THAT WAS MY LATEST PRANK CALL TOO~ BAKA-KUN!!! ^^)

i think i'm going to give up on him. him.

he aroused strange feelings, which made me both strangingly happy and frustrated. and for a while, i thought it was love. it didn't matter if he was my cousin, he made me feel that... that... thing. it's nothing like i've experienced.

it's more than the kind of infatuation that i'm used to, but it's not what i'm looking for either. even if he weren't my cousin, i would still fall out of whatever i'm feeling for him.

it's sad because i thought i finally felt and would die of what 3.99/4th of the population felt. i thought i realized i wasn't immune to anything that relates to the word called love. i thought i had the disease which a billion people had... which i didn't have before that somehow made me feel left out and unrelating.

hence, i was wrong. it wasn't love. it was just a more advanced infatuation. it seems i am hopeless.

kuya makoy said yesterday in friendster that the heart is a muscle, that it must go through pain for it to be stronger. it made sense, once in for all... all those hurts and pains i had to endure in my childhood - the feeling of the poor little rich girl, my family's rather different situation, the bullies and all the discrimination i received at school. they all purged me regularly when i was young, thus, hell feels like a mosquito bite now that i'm older.

i'm not apathetic. i'm not numb. i don't want to claim that i am. i am just strong. too strong for my own good.

...too strong to feel love.

RECENT ENTRIES BELOW

note: if you want to add me to your friends list (tabulas users) or to your links (non tabulas users), don't ask me anymore. just add me. thank you.

i don't have yahoo messenger anymore and i don't intend to get it back. contact me through email or through my site.

also, calling all camwhores! please join the camwhores community!
or if you think life is so utterly dull and boring, please join the no life community!

WEDNESDAY
i went to my friend donna's treat to enchanted kingdom, a local theme park. it was fun because i've always been a fan of theme parks, most especially extreme rides... sadly, the rides here are either not so extreme, or i just got used to them to be freaked out.

luckily, i was with very game people, almost as extremely game as i am, namely david & julian who i hung out with most of the time. the other crowd was donna, her friend niko and pamela.

we rode almost every ride with almost every member. we got wet, we got airbourne, we tested our acrophobia (fear of heights) and battled gut-wrenching feats, i say it was fun. heck, that was probably the highlight of my summer. ^^

we also made fun of some people. while we were in this ride anchors away, which is like a viking ship that moves like a pendulum, we were screaming the names of our school's faculty members! i kept on laughing that i didn't notice the vertical stage i was at. hehe. there were also many look-a-likes, namely this guy who looks like the starstrucked rainier who we kept singing "smile mo, kita ko!" to... haha. he was also in the company of some salbakuta spoofs... yeah yeah yeah, we said. heh.

on the space shuttle, ek's roller coaster, i was able to keep my eyes open... haha! it was grand! we kept screaming "happy birthday, donna!" even though it wasn't her birthday. haha. on the bump cars, i hit 5/6, all except for the tenacious garmsen. ooh!

THURSDAY
i called my cousins, who miraculously came on that day, and we watched death's musical, chicago. he was cool! i thought he was one of the best performers, even if it wasn't the lead. hehe. the choreography was cool too, it's as if the neophyte actors were professionals with the way they danced, and sang at the same time too!

but seriously, if i didn't see chicago in the movies, i wouldn't have understood the story. XP but the choreo paid off anyway. and we kinda got good seats: third row left.

the next day me and my cousin, makku, kept singing the cell block tango. it's really amusing! "pop, squish, uh-huh, cicero, lipschitz... they had it coming!" hehe.

FRIDAY
today me and my cousins spontaneously planned to watch the day after tomorrow. it is a really compelling movie. great effects, kinda extreme story but the ideas and the scientific details are good, it was well planned.

it wasn't a horror movie, but every minute is breath taking and exciting. it's a must see for me. it gave me a little idea for a short story too... hehe. but i have to work on that idea still.

when we got home, my elders were playing a card game, a blended mah-jong and poker game more known as tong-hits. makku and i got to coach my foster moms because they're new to that game. we didn't bet on the game, but i was lucky that i won six times out of eight or nine, with five straight wins! hehe. i could've earned if there was money at stake... hehe. oh well.

well, that's it. school's almost up... i'm both agonized and excited.

it really worked! it was almost accurate! it even told me about being in the rain with someone... ohmigod... you guys have to take this!



hehe... take my word for it... i was impressed!

sorry everyone who took the love prediction thingie in my previous post...! don't worry, i fooled you, but i didn't have any plans on looking at your answers. i know that you treasure privacy... hehe!

hi, jei. i'm bored desu.
haha... hello... mee tooh... *sigh*
have i eaten for today yet?
umm,, not as i can remember.
oh, is that so. well, is there anything i want to say to me?
not really. i'm just bored. i'm probably even bored than me.
hehe... my boredom can't be that bad. i mean, i'm really bored. it would be sad if i were bored too.
i guess. but that doesn't take the fact that i am bored.
okay... if i say so. so, what entry shall i post for today?
i'm not sure. the previous post cost me trouble, don't i think?
hai, hai. but i really felt bad when i took that test... i know how it feels to be revealed... or something
me too. no more pranks, okay?
promise desu!
what has been going on with my life anyway?
life? ugh... whazzat?
oh, i forgot... teehee... i have no life!
i guess the germs are taking over... i'm really having a bad cold. *achoo*
jumping jahorsafatts! what a coincidence! i have a cold too!
umm, figures. i am me.
i guess... ack... evil germs!
i haven't eaten. have i eaten yet?
haha, thank me for my concern.. but no, i haven't eaten yet. and i already asked me that a while ago.
jesus, that jollibee is taking long. i'm famished.
shall i go get me a glass of water? this cold is really bothering me.
lazy....ass...can't...get...off...chair... ugh... *achoo*
anyway, school's almost up...
wah! it's too early. june 7th is not my day.
mine too. i hope the opening date isn't final.
i agree with me. hehe, sorry, me, i'm not much of a good conversationalist.
so am i. as i can see, i am talking with myself.
i beg my pardon? i mean i am offending to me?!
sorry. that's not what i meant. i am probably boring me. and them.
i'm right. for heaven's sake, let me stop this.
haha... sure. talk to me whenever i feel down, okay?
gotcha! mwah!

Speaker_in_Bold_Letters has signed off at 6:37 pm.