people are busy.

foster dad is busy making amends for the country... hypothesizing how this world could be a better place. he's also busy keeping quiet when certain issues arouse in the house.

foster mom (foster dad's wife) is busy doing nothing and making her life too boring that it has become a chore.

foster mom (previous foster mom's sister) is busy praying to god but couldn't find time to listen to me when i vent out, which i rarely do. then when i suddenly lose control, she gets confused and claims she doesn't understand me.

godfather (fd and fm's son) is busy stuffing his gay megalomanic ass with vanities and alcohol while continually terrorrizing people who gets in his way.

mother is busy taking care of other two children, one who happens to be her husband who makes good use of her wallet, and the other who happens to be the devil's incarnate. she is NOT busy taking care of her REAL daughter, who happens to be me. she's also busy sulking because she left me.

my friends are busy avoiding the house i currently live in because they have certain issues regarding the people who live here.

my school friends are busy bringing out the cheerful side of me, which i don't really like. they breakdown when they see me sad and they say that being so full of grief is NOT THE TRUE ME. they're busy of telling me who i really am when i was constantly pretending to be okay in front of them because i don't want to cause any more sadness.

my classmates are busy approaching me for help in their studies, but for other concerns, they are busy ignoring me and not hearing me.

my bullies are busy teasing me and calling me names and they are also busy thinking about what their worst accomplishment for the day was and will walk around, chin up (even if it has usually merged with their necks already), and get proud of it. they got away with it, so what?

other people are busy pre-judging me, annoying me or basically ignoring me, being the motherfuckers i don't understand.

i am left alone, dormant in such a hustle bustle world...

...hating busy people.

i took this quiz and it sorta spelled out my current frame of mind. (especially those in bold italic text.) i guess the results will do the talking for now.

i was supposed to post this two days ago, but i ran out of internet card.

we dissected a frog in bio this morning. all i can say that it was disgusting and sorrowful.

first of, i wasn't working with my group since one is entering a very important game as a varsity and the other was just plain useless.

ugh... i guess i couldn't continue. anything that would remind me of our little froggie is disheartening me. he looked so helpless and pitiful.

the pinnacle of the dissection was when we started cutting through it's internal membrane and the lungs suddenly popped out. i thought they were eggs sacs and i also thought they were gonna burst! i felt my knees soften after seeing that.

i really don't know why we had to be so careful not to damage the internal organs when it's eventually gonna die in the end anyway. ?_? but still... i feel kinda sad for kero-chan.

my classmate said, "i'm soooo glad i'm not a frog! if so, i'd be ripped apart just like that!"

ditto.

T_T condolences to the frog. i'm sorry i pinned the center of your webbed palm and made it bleed bad and ugly fugly (who wasn't my groupmate but was of great help) is sorry for tearing down some of your internal organs.

i wanna remember you, but it's better for me not too.

on a brighter note, i really like the ending of chobits. it was kinda corny, but i like it anyway. here's my version of chobits' chii's he's only mine or my one and only, however you translate that:

I'm a Heretic!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons



i am? how can that be? i love god!

lol. i took this test two times and i got the same answer.

oh well. other people wouldn't think of me as religious jei even if you know me well, either. but really, i love god, not just the religion (i think i'm similar to kams at that point).

but i'm not a heretic! T_T oh well. the pics are cute.

sorry, i was so bored today.

the end.

*yawn*. i actually woke up for mass today after two weeks of not attending mass because of laziness. hah.

anyway, new layout. wee? sort of. it's my sort of valentines layout, and i try not to mush it up or make it look like a greeting card.

hehe... so i guess it's au revoir, jay chou. yes, i am still fond of him but that layout with him is making me sleep.

thanks to neko-sama for the direct linking. hehe... she hasn't approved yet but i hope she does. shower her with love!

that reminds me, it's been a while since i haven't posted in revolutionized, the daisukiNU group log. ~_~; i think i will later.

and as for you, i'm gonna write your layout right after i surf. hehe.

toodles.

just came to update the number of blog entries. from 10 entries per page, i reduced them to 6. hehe... now the loading time will be faster. hehe...

"i'm surprised because for someone smart, you're very cheerful."

that's the weirdest comment i had all day. my science seatmate told me that and i was surprised how he came up analyzing that...concept. i didn't know smart people had to be unhappy. hehe... of course, they have all the reasons to be unhappy, more so if you rate how smart they are.

they don't have that much interest in life since they know about it already, hence, they don't really appear happy.

but most of the people from pilot class (the a students) are smart AND happy, so i guess that conclusion could be wrong...

...or i may be just a dumbass. i am fascinated by life and i show it by hating it. hehe.

anyway, thanks indirectly to my sister, i have finally brought the crow left of the murder! wee...! i was able to go to the mall, which i was unable to in the weekend, because i had to buy my sister a birthday present. hehe...

it's nice. the bonus video cd is cool... if you get it, you should check out brandon's injury right away. hehe.

well that's it. it took me a while to come up here because i slept after dinner and when i woke up, i saw my foster father in my room (which never happened after 8 years ago). i have just found out he got locked out because the keys of the master's bedroom are with my foster moms and they are out to dinner, and the spare is nowhere to be found. hehe.

my stepsister's 5th birthday party was from 4 to 6 pm. you know what time i arrived?

6 pm.

you see, we got dismissed by 4 pm, and the place where they held it was kilometers away from makati, the city i lived in. plus, there was heavy traffic since it WAS rush hour, so we arrived on the time the party ended.

it took us 500,000 cars, 6,784 establishments, 800,520 yellow lane lanes and the whole playing time of the album a crow left of the murder and 33 repeats of megalomaniac by incubus before we arrived there. at least that's how i estimated it. oh well, at least we got there.

going home, i listened to megalomaniac again. and again. and again. it was the only song i really got into but i'm not saying that the whole album wasn't great. ACLOTM was the only cd i brought, too, so i had no other preference.

the album is half half. half is a hybrid of morning view and make yourself. you would know that by listening to megalomaniac alone. it is also half a perfect circle's thirteenth step. i don't know about the others but the guitars reminded me so much of the plucking/strumming style of APC.

well enough of that. by the way, when i got there, i ate chicken! haha! i might have bird flu! actually, that's okay because i don't mind dying now. so if i suddenly don't blog and disappear, you know what happened. =D

i am filled with mixed emotions right now. this could very well explain my feelings currently:

well, i'm alive. i'm immune to bird flue, i guess. (dammit)

anyway, it's a day before valentines day, but to most of the augustinians (people of my school), it's valentines' day already.

and as my title suggests, it makes everyone freaky.

well, before i explain how, we augustinians have another tradition in the month of hearts. on valentine's day or at least the nearest day from valentine's day (when vday is on a weekend), we also co-celebrate teachers' day. i don't give a crap, really, but at least we didn't do anything in school a while ago. we just had a simple program for our adviser and the head teacher who also stayed in our class (though it would've been more fun if it was my gay math teacher instead. lol). anyway, our adviser, the one who always seems to be all tough and disciplinarian-like, has unbelievably shallow tears. when my classmates gave their speeches with their sorries and thank you's and telling her all the things she has contributed in their life, she got all teary. hehe... i guess she's not as tough as i expected.

anyway at that time, one of my classmates was confused. she didn't greet the one she isn't sure if she was crushing on, but she felt really frustrated and kept on whining how she missed the chance to greet him. then later on, the one who had a total crush on her proposed, but she really couldn't like the guy. she felt sorry for him but i advised her, "well, it's not your fault that you can't dictate your heart to love him, which would be even more wrong. besides, if he really loves you like he claims, he'll understand you and will continue waiting."

some quote from a pocket book, i believe, but i was surprised when she said that she was so relieved when i said that.

oh well. my other friend, who is also acting freaky, is broken hearted. she is lesbian, and she cannot take her brokenheartedness anymore. she's jealous of me because the one she likes is closer to me. but she doesn't hate me for that, which relieved me as well.

then later on, she said someone i know had a crush on me. and that wasn't the catch, the catch was...

...that someone is of the same sex. hehe.

it is freaky, because she's not really lesbian or even bi. hehe... and to make it even more connected, the friend who told me that is also my broken hearted lesbian friend, and her girl crush is the girl that has a crush on me.

aaaah! this is the freakiest valentine's of all. i'm flattered, not disgusted, because i am open to the bisexuality thing, still... it's freaky. eck...

and to think i am confused right now. don't ask why. i'm just confused.



someone anonymous chatted with me. it was the weirdest chat experience i had.

(i'm adoralitical)
myRageAtrophied: see the pantless freak run down the street.
aDoRaLiTiCal: ...huh?
myRageAtrophied: yeah, he did it again
myRageAtrophied: trying saying it out loud
aDoRaLiTiCal: oh... anyway, do i know you?
myRageAtrophied: wait... was it YOU??
aDoRaLiTiCal: i'm not sure.
myRageAtrophied: hmm, better look into that kid
myRageAtrophied: maybe we can eat soap in the yard some time
aDoRaLiTiCal: soap. yummy.
myRageAtrophied: i see you gots lotsa experience wit dat. dirty mouth, eh?
aDoRaLiTiCal: no
myRageAtrophied: aw, don't worry
myRageAtrophied: ``I knew something was fishy with Java the day I read an ad for it in my local Sunday paper (albeit the San Francisco Chronicle). Who had ever placed an ad for a programming language before?''
aDoRaLiTiCal: someone who must really love it. or hate it. whatever.
myRageAtrophied: yeah. i hate all this computer stuff. way too complicated.
myRageAtrophied: dontchagree?
aDoRaLiTiCal: i guess. but it's not really that bad once you're used to it.
aDoRaLiTiCal: you're using one right now, obviously.
myRageAtrophied: yeah, and i hate how it's too complicated
aDoRaLiTiCal: too bad.
myRageAtrophied: like, if i want to install latexwiki, i gotta upgrade my glibc, cause everything uses the same /lib/ld.so -- but oh no, it's not all binary compatible!
myRageAtrophied: and you know, files all over the place. what a mess.
aDoRaLiTiCal: some files you didn't even know existed. and their filenames don't make you understand them either.
myRageAtrophied: don't get me started about the floppy drive and those cheap web cameras that they won't tell you how they work and people waste days trying to find patterns in the usb message stream
myRageAtrophied: yeah, it's a total mess
aDoRaLiTiCal: hehe. but really, do i know you even before you started chatting with me today?
myRageAtrophied: how should i know? i really can't tell what's going on with this whol internet thing
aDoRaLiTiCal: oh... so getting my username was just some paranormal technological coincidence, i guess? hehe...
aDoRaLiTiCal: anyway, i think you understand computers more than i do... even if you find them complicated
myRageAtrophied: yup, ye just popped in mthat little list thingy
myRageAtrophied: it's not that i don't understand them, it's that i find them frustrating as hell because people were too lazy or tied to the past to design them right
myRageAtrophied: dig?
aDoRaLiTiCal: yeah.
myRageAtrophied: awright! hoboken REPRESENT, yaw!!
aDoRaLiTiCal: so, pantless freak, nasl?
myRageAtrophied: woah,, bad image there... a nasal patneless freek
aDoRaLiTiCal: not nasal... nasl... as in name,age, sex, location. hehe
myRageAtrophied: arlochi magnouie, 239, no, pluto
myRageAtrophied: btw, that's age in days
aDoRaLiTiCal: really? i'm from pluto too! i'm 598 years old. makes me your senior, i guess.
myRageAtrophied: sho' duz
aDoRaLiTiCal: wow. then you must be 9 months old. nice.
myRageAtrophied: yohoho
aDoRaLiTiCal: so watcha doing on earth
myRageAtrophied: convening wit smurfz
myRageAtrophied: those blue dudes are belgian, right? they're still pretty popular in france
myRageAtrophied: i had their atari 2600 game
aDoRaLiTiCal: i'm not sure. are they the "i'm blue da boo dee da boo day..." guys?
myRageAtrophied: no no, dum dum da dum dee dum dum da dum deyay
myRageAtrophied: or maybe that's eomthing else?
myRageAtrophied: err smurfthing smurf
aDoRaLiTiCal: hehe... don't worry. plutonians understand fellow plutonians. those guys are from neptune, or saturn, whichever the blue planet is.
myRageAtrophied: must be neptune, cuz was god a the C
myRageAtrophied: po' seidon. it's why your walls leak when it rains. it's why everyone thinks your house is your neighbors' backyard shack.
aDoRaLiTiCal: bwehehe...
aDoRaLiTiCal: i'm not the guys in the "ms jackson" video, fortunately.
myRageAtrophied: yeesh.

i never get to have any good luck on valentine's day. if i were to list all 15 events that happened in valentine's day throughout my life, i'd kill myself.

this year, i slept in my mom's house. ultra-boredom.

it's great that we're getting together despite certain issues, but we could've at least done anything better than watch tv, babysit my sister (aka the devil's incarnate), watch tv, eat, watch tv, watch tv and watch tv, all the while withstanding the torment my puny sister places on me.

sigh... but i guess there was nothing else better to do anyway. even if i was with spidergay, who should've come but had lbm, i think i'll still be bored as hell.

i did help in the cooking for a while. my hands were shivering while i ate, as if i had just j_e_r_k_e_d off... hehe... kidding.

going there made me realize some things.

i didn't belong anywhere.

not in my foster mom's house, not in my mom's house, not in bohol, tagaytay or in japan even (hmm... but maybe i'll give that a second thought).

i also realized, from listening to the used's blue and yellow a dozen times while we were on the road, that i was in love with a certain person, and i love this person even if she, yes, she doesn't love me back. just being able to see her and just making her feel happy is a reward for me.

if a man will come and take my eyes off of her permanently, then he must be god.

anyway, on vday, we also visited my deceased sister valerie's grave. she was born on valentine's day too, hence the name valerie. she should've been seven yesterday.

i asked forgiveness from her, because it has been 6 years since i haven't visited her grave. but i also asked help from her, for my problems and my families' problems.

hope all goes well. right now, enough drama and belated happy valentine's day.

...suru? ^_~

edit: here's top 39 of inane boredom remedies:

PLAYING SKULD

don't wanna talk about anything, really. just logging in to make char's layout or something... hopefully i will upload it today.

i found someone who loves hyde a whole lot more than me... you gotta check her tabulas... so full of hyde delicacies. @_@ *envy envy envy*...

that's all. check out victor's tabulas and check out my gift for him, whenever he uploads it.

/end senseless post.

i have been trying all day to make char's layout, but frontpage and adobe photoshop kept on experiencing glitzes...

i guess i'll run down memory lane again... since i didn't really have much of a day today. =P

start:
it really had to rain on that afternoon.

for the past few months, i have been experiencing problems with my phone bill. i never received any bills and after four months i found out that they sent the bills to the wrong billing address. their mistake was in a number. a simple number.

we called the operator and even had an argument. a week later, i thought all was at rest, since everyone had been silent.

i was wrong.

at lunch time, i had received a text message about them operators suspending my line until i avail of the billing terms. what the fuck?

oh well. it was a sunny day, i thought, it's not as if it's gonna rain on dismissal, which would be a big problem since i only walk home.

well, what do you know? ... it did.

i tried texting with my friends' cellphones, but no one in the house would reply. it was a good 15 minutes when i decided to dash through the rain and wait in the waiting shed, and... well... wait. the rain wouldn't stop at all. it clearly wasn't my day... even if i loved the scene of a rainy afternoon, with busy people leaving the beauty unnoticed. only i, in my circumstance, was left to ponder and appreciate the pitter-patters while also, strangely, hoping for it to stop, even for just a while, so i wouldn't worry about going home.

then, walking near me was a boy, a very interesting boy. he's from our class, but at that time, he was very distant from everyone - on a world of his own. i found him strange, his girlfriend even stranger for liking a guy like him, but the mystery of it all made it more exciting.... for me, most of all.

the drama of it all. there he was, walking toward me in that miserable state, wearing his bag in the usual fashion. i didn't look straight at him when he went over to my right, but there is such a thing as peripheral vision.

he threw his bag not-so-gently on the bench. thump. angry?, i thought.

then he sat leaving only air and molecules and atoms in between us. we were still quite distant at first glance, since we were seated at opposite sides of the bench, but this is probably the closest i've been to him.

he asked me why i wasn't where the classes was at that particular time, and he answered the questioned for me, too. i was only left to nod. i asked the question back at him, and he gave a very vague answer, but i don't think i would understand even if he tried his best to clarify it. so i just nodded again.

20 minutes have passed. still, it was raining, and still no answer from home. still no conversation. somehow, i felt that we both wanted to say something more to each other... but we committed the most common human error:

we didn't say anything.

if i was able to talk to myself aloud, in public particularly, then by that time i would've been screaming and bellowing.

but there was only silence. silence in the two feet gap between us, though noise of buses and children and rain were all around. the surrounding images reflected more noise for my brain to absorb. no real sound waves were produced between us.

this was like the little plots contained in my head... a boy and a girl who knew didn't know much of each other budded into a more closer friendship or even a relationship after being alone, only my plots were a little more exciting.

but at that moment, i was so bored that i wanted to slap him and sleep.

a moment after, my cellphone vibrated. it even reverberated the bench's metal bars. i picked it from my pocket and was relieved that the caller id was saying "HOUSE ", which was the number in my house. i picked it up and told them i needed to be picked up.

later on, i saw a person from my house entering the nearby gate. i also saw her with an umbrella in her clutches. what i did not see was the car. great. i avoided walking only to wait for twenty minutes just to walk home in the end.

i had been planning to say goodbye to the mr. ever-so-silent, and i was afraid he would ignore me. but when i looked at him, raised my hand and said "bye!", to my surprise he didn't ignore it, he didn't even nod, instead, he actually made an effort let the word "goodbye" out of his mouth.

i ran to the person from home and i explained to her the situation with the phone bill, crying and laughing simultaneously, the emotion of frustration regarding the whole rain thing and the whole coincidence raging in my body.

but i'll never forget about that moment, because after that moment i started to realize why mistakes happen. sometimes they lead to better things. from being one of the girls-to-ignore in his list, i became hmm-not-bad-sure-i'll-waste-very-short-time-with-her girl. hehe. he leaves me fascinated everyday, he makes me sing out loud in class, he makes me go to school more often.

well, not quite. i still love that girl i had been talking about before more than him. still, even if more and more days are added by which i am only left to look at him, only left to wonder what he's really thinking about amidst that silence, i don't mind.

let's put it in a song, shall we?

BoA - duvet
and you don't seem to understand / a shame you seemed an honest man / and all the fears you hold so dear / will turn to whisper in your ear / and you know what they say might hurt you / and you know that it means so much/ and you don't even feel a thing / and you don't seem the lying kind / a shame then i can read your mind / and all the things that i read there / candle-lit smile that we both share / and you know i don't mean to hurt you / but you know that it means so much / and you don't even feel a thing.

/end.

i got sick in the morning so i was absent today. hopefully, i didn't miss a lot other than that stupid achievement test which would actually help me get into college or something. hehe... hopefully there's a make up for that.

do you guys know what schadenfreude (sha - den - froy - dah) means? well, it's the german word for gloating, which means laughing at other people's misery.

i must be demented or something but i am almost 80 percent schadenfreude. i don't like hurting people, because that would make me a sadist and not a gloater, but i have tons of fun looking at other people's misery... and i don't know why.

sometimes i would find myself lauging alone, seeing accidents or mishaps on tv and my friends would look at me with a big HuH? on their faces.

well, what do you know... the feminists sorta made me feel better today with their psycho animations found here: stick death. i don't know if you've checked that part out since we usually only take quizzes on spacefem.... you should really check it out.

stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death stick death

if you have dir en grey's kigan, you should play it along while watching it, like me. you'll have a very delicious, blood-lusty time. hehe.

i wanna make animations like that. really wish i had paint. T_T or flash... whatever.

sorry. sometimes i'm a psycho. that's why it's dangerous to be friends with a psycho in the hiding. bwaharhar.

if you read the previous post, then you'll know that what you will see is not really an original concept. haha...

but i enjoyed making it. i think i'll make it a usericon. bwaharhar.



bwahaha. i'm bored. and i know very well that cows are herbivores. hehe.

i'm getting psyched up by all this pixel blood. hehe... dir en grey is not making me any better. hehe. guess i'll retire for today and do my english project.

no... i don't mean the music. with r&b i mean the two letters of the abbreviation for behavioral report.

well, if you have no idea what that is, it's this white paper which is a document you'll get for every offense in school.

i got one for the first time today.

i got caught forging my excuse slip for absence. i had no good reason to forge it really, but i still did. but basically i forgot to let my foster mom sign it for me so i did it myself. it's not the first time i did it but today, i finally got caught.

the head teacher admired my instant admission. there was no way out anyway. she kept on saying how disappointed she was, with me being an ace student and all and how i could do such a dishonest act. she even called up my foster mom to confirm if i really just stayed at home yesterday, and she even told me that my foster mom said she would scold me later on.

well, i didn't really got scold at. but maybe she forgot?

anyway, back at the head teachers office, she may had become curious at the word "foster parent" so she asked stuff about my family situation, politely asking my permission if i mind it or not. well, i didn't because i'm not really that affected. she said i was lucky and that she also salutes me for letting my situation make me and not break me.

then she said this doesn't mean that the school will tolerate my dishonesty. i just have to pay the price.

oh well. hell.

today, too, we had the long test in math. i was a total caveman! i bet every tabulas user that i will not get a score higher than 10 on that long test. T_T but i was also distracted with the BR thing... and i practically didn't know what to do.

but it's not as if i didn't study. i studied it! it is so fucking easy to my classmates but i don't seem to get it! wah. other than i'll be failing math this quarter, i'll also be getting an instant D in my conduct for my forgery. and that could become an F if i continually become late or if i did another offense. =P

later, we had this homeroom activity wherein you will go form a circle and pass this paper around and let people fill up the columns which say "i'm glad you're my..." and "thank you for your...". other than getting dragon, i got smart, smart and smarts... HAH! wait till you see my one digit score in the math long test! bwahahaha...!

well, college days are tomorrow. i don't know why we augustinians call it "college days" when the rest of manila calls it "csa fair"... we have to be wearing civilian tomorrow so maybe i'll look like a total goob again.

shoot. me. now. moo.

PS: gto has ended... what will make me happy NOW???

Yup. I'm finally using the Moo Usericon. wee...

(why the fuck was i using capital letters? must be possessed).

honestly, there's nothing too much to write about. so if in the following paragraphs i sound as if i have lost half my brain, i'm sorry.

i have pharyngitis again. i can't really go about talking and swallowing without a weird sensation in the middle of my throat (boy, i'm so glad blogging doesn't need auditory power. =P).

so i wasn't able to go the the fair/college days whatever because i felt very very fucked up. plus i had to go through all that forgery incident the day before. so do i cry like a baby? well, not really. i wasn't up for fun and games anyway, being so boring like a jar of pickles.

in my room, though, i can hear the screams and the shouts of the happy happy school children. their screams seemed to be resulted by fright, and i don't know what's so frightening today. perhaps it's the horror house? no clue.

in the afternoon, anyway, we had to go to the family doctor to get my throat checked. yes, it was what i expected. pharyngitis. i have no problems with my tonsils since i don't have them anymore anyway. ^_^ i was listening to l'arc~en~ciel along the way and while i listened to driver's high, i wish the car went faster. you doob. go faster. faster! (hmm... sounds like a metallica song...obey your master? hehe)

also having a check up was this elderly lady, and later on i found out that it was this local singer ogie alcasid's mother. she had problems with her loose throat too and that was bad since she sang soprano in the choir. anyway, it was kinda funny since the singer ogie alcasid looks a lot like the all lunar one! hehe... kidding.

well, after that appointment of spraying disgusting stuff in my mouth, nothing much happened. i was writing something when victor called me and asked if he could visit. i was answering him with one word per phrase... i would be glad if he visited but i was kinda busy writing something. hehe.

that's all. i hope my pharynx will be okay and that i'll be in a good mood tomorrow so that i may attend the festivities in school. hurrah.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
so many times i let you down
there's so many times i fucked around
i'll tell you now
they don't mean a thing.

i have decided that for this month or even for the next month or EVEN for the summer vacation to come, i will ban myself from fun.

of course i do not promise that. i don't know when the light will shine back at me, but right now, everythings is hiding me in it's shadow.

a part of me has died today, and i'm not sure why and what caused its death. i just found myself waking up from a bad dream that i can't remember, then i suddenly felt cold in my arms and my shoulders, and i felt strangely apalled... not even the happiest of songs can brighten me up.

anyway, let's play a game of connection. baba is tagalog for two things: a.) the chin and b.) something low, or go down. baba is also an indian term which i don't really know the meaning of. alanis morissette made a song about the indian baba, in the album supposed former infatuation junkie. in that album, the song can't not is also included. and finally, the lyrics of the song state my current frame of mind and soul. thank you.



i appreciate it if you read the whole song. domo.

for the first time in my entire life, i made a quiz.

Which Beautiful Asian Horror Ghost are You?

please take it folks. please comment/tag me if you did too and if you would like, please rate my quiz.

i am in a desperate need of a hug right now. T_T

alas, it is my 100th post. too bad there's nothing much to write about, because currently i'm cramming my math project and simultaneously waiting for spidergay. the rest of the day is still unplanned but hopefully something will brighten me up at least a little bit.

i started weblogging on september 2001 (wow... 3 years and i'm still bored. blech). but that doesn't mean that i didn't keep a journal before that. i browsed my 1997 diary a while ago, and i found some pretty interesting stuff. btw, i was in second grade back then.

here are some of the entries that made up 50% of my journal (since i don't regularly write an entry back in '97, excuse me). hehe... eat up my nostalgia, will ya?

january 14, tuesday: dear diary, good to have you back! 2 weeks i lost you thanks to ate m.

january 21, tuesday: dear diary, sue just called at 5:52 in the morning. good thing i was awake.

january 30, thursday: dear diary, at school i fainted today.
mark this date. this is the first time i fainted in my life.

january 31, friday: dear diary, nicole came & we went to mcdo. we met a meannn boy & a good boy.

february 3, monday: dear diary, i think i'm going to faint, but i didn't.
wtf?

february 4, tuesday: dear diary, the doorknob at my room won't open. then, the men open it so i went out and thank them.
yes, i may want to add a [sic] right there. hehe

july 18, friday: dear diary, today is friday. but this week, i like sun. (sunday) more than sunday.
...umm... excuse me? i didn't quite get that. @_@

july 25, friday: dear diary, someday, i like to be a teacher.
i diiiiiiiid???!!! *faints* it's NOW no. 1 in my JOBS-NOT-TO-TAKE list. haha!

october 10, friday: dear diary, when i feel depressed, i feel like an outsider. i don't even have a best friend! (just you.) my classmates judge so much. =sigh=
see... told you my life was sad.

october 17, friday: dear d., there is the guiness book of world records, write right? i wish there will be someone who can count the stars and go up the sun.



some childhood. and to think by that same year, the spice girls ruled the world and the greatest of the animes we know now were made. hehe.

btw, thanks for those who took the WHICH BEAUTIFUL ASIAN HORROR GHOST ARE YOU? quiz! ^_^ last time i checked, 323 took the quiz (and it wasn't even 24 hours after i made the quiz...) and it was rated an average 4.5. thanks a lot, minna~

and i thought aiji (the one in my usericon) is pretty.

hehe... to all you jrock fans out there, of course you know the answer already. but most of you don't, hehe... so here's something to jolt up a little bit of synapses in them grey matters for you.



now, look carefully at the picture. the two people in the picture are highly distinguishable, right? (dir en grey fans, keep quiet.) and it is obvious that the one in the left is a girl and the one in the right is a boy.

wrong! actually, both pictures are of one person. none other than the prettiest~ bassist alive, toshiya of dir en grey. hehe... and oh yeah, HE is a boy.

actually i am quite jealous of totchi-sama. he has this unique ability which i really wish i had... and that is being able to pull off both the feminine and the masculine look. wah. i don't look good in neither of the choices. shoot me. i'm an ugly fart.

so don't be surprised if japanese rock singers will suddenly be working in the csi. or. something.

dammit. is it obvoius that i'm bored? well, somehow we of the human species get quite productive when we are bored... perhaps, it is an evolutionary adaptation? consider cavemen, absolutely ignorant and unaware of this world, what could be exciting about a life with pure ignorance? now look at how all that boredom may lead to, let's say, "hmm... what if og rub two brown stick together... aaah! it start letting out gray spirit! aaah! it changed to hot thing ghee...."

and now, we are here. the "supposed" future. bwah. we're still bored, so...

...damn.

[extra post]
victor: sometimes i call her kit-chan.
garmsen: ... kitCHEN? ... you call her kitchen?!

=P

it's ash wednesday and the anniversary of EDSA revolution so we have no classes. well, to summarize my die, er day, i wasted it by sleeping half of it.

when people wake me up, it's not unusual that i fight and shout at them. hehe.... i remember i made someone cry when i was little when i said, "layas! layas!" (get out! get out!) when she was waking me up. i don't remember saying that but everyone in the house was talking about it. well, she couldn't really get mad at me for a long time since i was so adorable when i was little (blech).

anyway, today i woke up at 1:30, and i felt like i had a hangover, only thing is, i don't drink. and then at three someone called me. she told me something surprising - she had a crush on someone whom i consider is her best friend. she also told me that her crush knows that already since she said it.

it's surprising because she isn't the type who has crushes, yet she had all the guts to tell the one she likes that she does like him. dammit... as for me, i can withstand not telling that person even if it takes years. bwahahaha... oh well. different strokes for different folks.

anyway, we had to go to mass and get some ashes on our forehead. later, i had to do some errands for school with francis. i got me a "jei" bracelet then we ate ice cream while waiting for the car. that amatuer. i already finished my ice cream and there was still a mountain of ice cream over his cone. and we started eating at the same time!

oh well. now for my title. check this out.

doesn't die of dir en grey look terribly like jerry yan of f4 here? @_@

...hehe. i'd like to do that to kids. someday, i will.

i just read my review yesterday. got a 2.5 out of 5! wee? let's see the review, shall we?

click here.

haha! i suck! i am kinda disappointed at how the cursor thing cost me some points. and these made me confused as well: "The posts read a lot like other teen blogs. What is going on in the person's life: most notably school, friends, music, online quizzes, generic blog type posts, etc... I decided to see if it really was like a standard teen blog and re-read the posts completely out of order and it still read the same. "

and to think i was worried about not being coherent and being overly varied! guess as much as i try to spice up my thoughts, it all turned out too mediocre for my reviewer. and besides, what else is there to post other than school, friends, and all the things he enumerated? if i halted talking about them, i wouldn't talk about anything!

lastly, why didn't anyone warn me that my layout doesn't line up? or maybe it's just him and garmsen who has problems with this layout?

i didn't ask for a review to get glory. i wanted to know what were my problems and how i could improve them. i guess that sometimes i can be as standard as other teen blogs out there but consider this, i AM a teenager. isn't that what blogs need to reflect? who you really are? so i wouldn't say that was such a big problem.

i could've found out if i was weak at letting people shift their perspectives with mine. or maybe i could've lacked depth in what i was saying that i seemed very shallow. or maybe i could've been enclosed only into a certain group, without realizing that their are other cultures out there who might not understand a word i am saying. but instead... i found out my cursor style was distracting.

oh well. you win some, you lose some. i repeat, i am not complaining that i got a low score in my review, heck, if i reviewed it, i'd make it much lower... i am just a bit sad that the reasons for such a low score is something i cannot see... well... yet.

and also, this doesn't mean i'll stop reviewing other blogs. i love blogs! i love each and every one of them that it's hard for me to give such a low score to them. hehe.

toodles.