whoo... i just fixed my graphics driver for the first time... in 5 years... i have finally experienced... the inevitable. ^^

it was a pain looking for the trident 3d driver because everything looked the same it would during safe mode. ugh... the text blended terribly with the background and the resolution was only 600x480. T___T...

but glad to say everything seems pretty fine now. aaah...! i love that true color 32 bit... color!

^^

edit: hey, my board is back up! ^^ please join or post!

also, a test result i got from akina:

You are White.

Simple, Truthful and innocent. Almost with the
mind of a child, white's tend to be somewhat
naive at times. Ignorance can be bliss, but it
can also lead to a boring conversation.


What Color Best Represents Your Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

weird... of all the colors! btw, i know the pics used in the results... i have those in a special edition of How to Draw Manga - New Generation Artists Portfolio, the one's of Gensho Sugiyama... hehe... i just had to take it.

^^

school chaos regains the throne tomorrow. in a shallower translation: i'm back to school tomorrow. blech.

ugh. i feel sick. i'm not happy about it because i have to do this certain project for school tomorrow.

inter.net is so slow. vibe's a lot faster. heck, even infocom is a lot faster. T_T

do you guys believe that everything about you starts at home? i don't know. i live in a house, i eat and do stuff to live inside this house, still i feel like a vagabond... still searching for a place to belong.

people here are in chaos. i wish i had a part of that chaos. at least i know i belong. there are the opressors, then there are the oppressees. moi? i am "that girl over there".

sigh. and i couldn't even do a thing. about the oppressors. for the oppressees. to this internet connection which is slower than a procrastinating ant. to this cold which i wish got really worse but then again i am ripped apart by a responsibility over a dumb project. sigh.

hehe... i started and ended the previous paragraph with the same thing. sigh.

now i have to make victor a testimonial. there's a freaking dead rat on his picture. hahaha...! i'm losing it.

oh. my. god.

and to think that everything would go back to normal when i slept yesterday at five noon. you see, i haven't slept the whole night before and i suffered fatigue and minor driftings to never never land during classes. so when i came home, i didn't change at once. instead, i hit the sack, which never felt so fluffy and comfortable before.

"beeeeeeed...." i moaned.

i tried to keep myself up to watch lizzie mcguire, because i found it rather interesting that gordo actually liked lizzie who everyone thought through all their years in primetime television that they were only best friends. hehe... kilig. but i didn't see the post-episode because before i knew it, sleep had already kidnapped me to the paradise of dreams.

and oh. my. god.... again. i woke up and it was exactly midnight! i haven't even changed, but that wasn't the most of my worries. i still haven't done the assignments i needed to accomplish, which were gruesome ass-kickers (science: cytoplasm entities, biological techniques, biological tools; english: paraphrasing, informal theme about direct/indirect quotations; math: radical equations... ugh...)

when i was doing the assignments, it felt as if the two hemispheres of my brain exchanged positions... i was so messed up and confused. ugh... i finally finished (but didn't answer all... lol) somewhere around three am. i came to bed again, but i wasn't tired. instead, i got my discman (after all my cds crashed on the floor while trying to get it... *sigh*). then i remembered the ghost stories which my cle teacher talked about the other day. so i got out from the covers, and then read an article entitled "real vampires" in a very dim light, my cellphone as my guide. while i was reading, i turned on the tv and switched it to cartoon network... hehe... top cat and the flinstones somehow calms my paranoia.

i slept somewhere around five. i woke at seven. i was back into running around like bonfire so i would not be late. again. it really is tiring.

anyway, school went around, in accordance, of course. it still sucks... the people there still are shallow and malicious and happy, generally young. the lessons get harder and harder, and to think right now i am suffering constant hunger for energy. lol. we had a math quiz, which i didn't really study and pay attention on. i tired myself out in rock climbing, doing this new style of traversing which made my fingertips glow red until now. everything else was a bummer.

then i decided to go to the mall today. i had to buy an illustration board and styrophore for a diorama. a group project, but i'm not really talented in teamwork, nor in constructing dioramas but what the hell. i had some days till the deadline. then something happened outside, which somehow is like those you will read in pathetic optimism books such as chicken soup for the soul. i don't want to proclaim it to the world through this post because i don't think it is to be bragged about, but to be enkindled. you can read about by looking at the sidebar menu find 'articles' (or content on the default menu), then click the link named 'my weakness'. why do you think i put it here in the middle of a very long post? without links or emphasis? ^^

anyway, i am still sleepy. and it's five something but i kinda am not in the mood to watch lizzie. hehe... gordo gordo gordo! anyway, this story-like post is just to summarize the days that have gone with me internet card-less. lol.

as for future plans, well, i only have plans for saturday. in the afternoon i'll be watching matrix revolution/s with my nakama, death (and with na-coma too... hehe...) and in the evening i'll go on a date with my ever-so-noble mother in star city. wee? not really. i'm still kind of worried about that diorama.

toodles. ^^

i watched matrix revolutions today. they're right, there are some brand new effects there, it really didn't bore me! it's really a great movie... ehehe! i'm really amused. ^^

i had some favorite scenes there:

train station
neo got stuck in a train station, where he met some indian family who sort of informed him about where he was and who he might be dealing with. the only way to get out of the train station is through the train. obviously since the enemy owned the station, he didn't let neo in. so neo tried to follow the train by going through the dark tunnel. when he passed there he just came back in a loop, back to where he was originally! hehe...

"shit." said neo.

battle scenes
well, what can i say. these are what matrix is known for. i guess you would really enjoy watching the battles between the zion people VS the centinels (how do you spell that? hehe...) and also the main battle between neo VS mr. smith. hehe...

quotes
here's what the architect said to the oracle in the ending: "what do you think i am? human?" hehe... that's weird.

spoilers
warning! highlight the text only if you can't wait to watch and know what the movie is all about! okay? highlight now! what? you think i'll spoil such a good movie like that? come on! it'll totally ruin the fun and the scenes. just watch and enjoy it yourself! ^_^

sounds
ehehe... the soundtrack is very nice! i'm going to buy it... hehe... i think i like it better than reloaded's. hehe...!

adios! i still don't know if me and my mom would still go to star city. sigh... the one who dated me ditched me as well. what a dope. ^^

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

hallelujah! i never felt so free in my whole life. just in case you were wondering where i have drifted off to the past few days, well, i was around. hehe.

actually, i finally got my ass to work on that disorienting diorama i have been ranting about a few days back. today was the submission, and i did the whole thing alone for two days. wah! it took me from the afternoon to 1 or so after midnight just doing that... painstakingly papier-mache - ing, glue-ing, paint-ing (hehe) and cutting. ugh... everything was so fiddly that my blood rised up to my temples.

i felt my brain was going to explode.

huhu... i couldn't even blog. T_T no therapeutic whatsoever. hehe.

oh well, stress is half finished. though i had already finished that mammoth of a shithole diorama, i still have the rest of the third quarter to worry about. but hey... just as long as i don't lose my mind on handcrafted projects, i'll be just fine! my brain works better than my back. T_T

anyway, we got our cards today. i am top one again, hehe, but my grades (except for p.e., home economics, music and science) all lowered, but not leaving such a drastic damage on my grade. hehe. my general average got down from 93.14 to 92.19. hehe... not so bad... but i'm afraid if i keep this up, i will surely go to the pilot class.

which me don't like. hehe.

anyway, i think we could refuse or something. ^_^

anyway, that's all folks! i'm still not over the matrix thing. mr. anderson... welcome back. we've MISSED you.

neo!!! i have a crush on his character but not on keanu. lol.

i'm already an anime artist, a graphic design artist... am i fit and competetive enough to be a body art... artist?

hmm... today i seemed i was.

you see, i was bored during filipino class, so i got my pen in class and got the lovely jei keychain death got me from hong kong, and copied the character into my left hand, the ventral side below my thumb. it turned out pretty good, but it was rather light. so i borrowed my classmate george's ballpen and traced it. it turned out better than i expected. several minutes later, people started noticing it and going like, "hey, cool!" or "it's so cute! it looks like real henna!" (since i did it in black).

hehe... as it turns out, i got more bored during english time, which was a lunch period and another period after filipino, and so i got my pen again. i looked everywhere for something i could draw, then i saw my bag, which was an adidas bag. i copied the logo in my palm, near the thumb again, and it almost looked like the real thing, or some say, a "stamp", only the letters were kinda smudged and edgy.

then my seatmate was impressed and told me to put some sign pen tatoo on his hand. he asked for his name and the name of his crush but i don't think i can't do so without a copy. then i saw his blind skateboard co. pin, and i thought if i could copy it. well, it wasn't the exact logo, but it was convincing. hehe... he kept saying, "pare, you're the best... you're so cool... astig!! (cool) you're my idol... blah blah." hehe.

oh well. i did surf some sites around for some info regarding henna, but not only because i discovered that i find it easier to draw on skin, but also i needed something that would "remind me of india" for english class tomorrow. i decided i'd bring a picture of a cow instead. lol.

animatrix episode 4 : KID'S STORY

(KID)Somebody tell me.
Why it feels more real when I'm dreaming than when I'm awake?
How can I tell if my senses are lying?

(COMPUTER)There is some fiction in your truth,
and some truth in your fiction.
To know the truth, you must risk everything.

those were lines in my favorite episode of animatrix, kid's story.and i thought that i was the only one who thinks there's a possibility that i can exit this world into a whole new unimaginable one when in a state of dreaming or in unconciousness. weird... i have andy and larry wachowski in my league, too...

lol. i've decided i'd complete my matrix collection. i only have matrix vcd and matrix: reloaded ost. hehe... animatrix, matrix reloaded vcd, animatrix ost, matrix revolutions vcd and matrix revolutions ost only to go! hmm... i think i'll have problems if i buy enter the matrix pc game, but heck... whatever. ^^

Who are you?
Am I alone?

You are not alone.

phew... i have been working on my domain lately (and death, i'm afraid it's not the chii anymore... ^^;) though i think the release of a-fNET will come only between mid-december or january.

hmm... anyway, can anyone teach me how to make sprites? i made a couple of them a while ago, but they're rather too plain or bland. hehe... they move though. ^^;

i deleted paint in my pc, and they say that's what they use to construct the body of a sprite. wah... and a sprite tutorial out there said: "you can use adobe, but it would be like using an elephant gun to shoot a fly"... hehe... no wonder i've been having problems.

anyway, i made probably 6? but i uploaded only one. hehe... roll, baby, roll!

dumb question. still, somehow i took that deep into thought a while ago, when i woke up.

you see, i have encountered this sleeping disorder locally called bangungot for several times already. i think it's called acute pancreatitis in english. what it does is, there's a rapid increase or a malfunction of the release of enzymes during sleep, causing shock to the person during sleep, wherein he's awake but cannot move. if he doesn't recover soon, he would most probably end up dead.

well, i had more bangungot experiences than you can imagine, and obviously i'm typing right now... so i'm a veteran survivor of AP.

usually i'd experience it when i sleep right after i just ate, or when i am full. there's scientific proof that you could experience that during sleep. a while ago, i did. i encountered probably more than 3 a while ago, but i have this technique which i mastered in order to escape certain death, again.

but it gets really tiring. it like, just trying to move when your body won't cooperate is exhausting. you see, what happens is you feel you're moving, but when you see yourself, you aren't even moving an inch. then when you acquire your breath again, it felt as if you lost it for some time.

so when i woke up, not from a bangungot anymore, it felt as if i was unsure if i was alive or not. it felt so matrix-y, the half of my mind said. but then again i indulge in the possibility that i may be something that i wasn't aware of. maybe i was just dreaming. maybe i'm dead.

then it's like a voice whispered something to me. "it's not what you think you are, it's how you feel you are. if you're dead, it doesn't matter. you don't feel like it, right?"

hmm... maybe i was just too deep. but then again think about it. how can you be sure that once you doze off, you'll be back to see the next day?

edit: from the creators of the enneagram tests, i took the big 5 test. results here. ^^

i don't think i'll be surfing for a while.

i have been totally burned out (as in to ashes) and i don't know why. i have been very exhausted with everything and anything... i feel that if i'm going to do another strenous move, i'd shut down and collapse.

i need a break. to those who i have promised for layouts, namely death, katrina & aussy. i'm sorry i won't be able to do it any time soon.

i will be surfing, but only to release some tension. i don't know when i'll be active again.

for now, insert a new address in your address box up there ^. toodles.